My daughter just arrived. Where does my mother-in-law fit in?

Question by Goldeeh: My daughter just arrived. Where does my mother-in-law fit in?
My wife just gave birth to our first child via c-section. I’m off of work for at least a month to take care of my family, but my mother-in-law is in the picture, too. I know she means well, and I know she wants to help, but I’m starting to feel like a third wheel. I do the cooking, diaper changes, dressing changes for my wife’s c-section incision, laundry, help with breastfeeding (I wake up my wife every feeding time), and groceries. I feel like I do most of the work around the house and feel I don’t get to bond with my daughter enough.

I feel like a stranger in my own home. I feel that I don’t have any privacy because of my mother-in-law’s presence. I don’t know what “help” she gives, except probably “moral support” to my wife, since I feel like I do everything else (I thought that my mother-in-law would at least help with the cooking).

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against my mother-in-law and she’s a very nice lady. I just feel like I need “alone time” with my wife and daughter, and it’s been two weeks already and I’ve hardly had that. Even at the first hour after delivery, where the mom, dad, and baby are supposed to be alone to bond, was disrupted because my mother-in-law was unintentionally let-in the recovery room by the nurse.

My question is, am I being selfish? Should I suck it up and just get over it? I feel like I’m whining a lot. I tried talking to my wife about it and just end up being frustrated because she always says that “we’re lucky that her mom is even here”. I don’t want my wife to think I have something against her mom, because I don’t, but I really don’t know how much longer I can stand her being here with us.

The other thing that bothers me is that my wife’s mom speaks very limited English, and I can’t really converse with her. Whenever my wife and her talk, I always feel left-out of the conversation.

Has anyone else been through what I’m going through? What should I do?

Best answer:

Answer by Rhonda
send her home where she belongs

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