Inside the Electric Shock Chamber-one Man’s Experience of the Controversial Ect
Inside the Electric Shock Chamber-one Man’s Experience of the Controversial Ect
It was almost a perfect summers day in Margate but my time of reckoning was here. It would soon be time to set off on the journey to Entabeni Hospital in Durban. A Psychiatrist was going to end my hell today. Symptoms of Axiety Depression had broken my spirit. The Anxiety of my Addiction of Alcohol and Prescription Pills had meant the End of the Road for me.
As I ran my Estate Agency from home I plonked myself at my desk in the office, closed my eyes and listened to the sound of my own heart beating rapidly. My ‘better half’, Mary and my parents were talking in the background and getting ready to drive me through. I took a guess that it was about mid-morning and in normal circumstances the thought of the 120 kms. expedition would be no big deal. But today was far from normal circumstances.
I was trying to come to terms with the horrifying position that I now faced. Having started to pop the pills since the early hours I drifted in and out of reality but there was no mistaking the awful anxiety that I was feeling. A journey to a mental institution and Shock Treatment awaited me today. No amount of pills could get me away from that fact. I raised my head to see Mary standing in front of me. She said it was time to go. As she turned away I closed my eyes again and prayed. I would need his help today.
So we began our mission. I had a pocketful of pills and a desperate hope that maybe today could end my pain. My father manouvered the car into the traffic and with me in the front passenger seat we were off. Part of me was in that car and another part of me was in a very secret and dark place that nobody could enter. Familiar landmarks passed us by I was only vaguely aware of Mary’s hand on my shoulder. I sensed the despair around me and yet I could feel the hope in the air. But I had no room for any more emotions now. Only a smell of fear and dread. I fumbled in my pocket and gulped down another palmful of pills. There was not enough strength in me to go through this alone. The months of despair, confusion and gut-wrenching fear all seemed to come in to focus now. I had never felt so lonely and isolated in my whole life. I slumped forward in the seat and reveled in the grateful thanks that the pills were kicking in big time.
The trip to Durban was normally only about one and a half hours but for me time was distorted. Maybe I had passed out but in no time at all I was aware of my father asking me to get out of the car. We were in the middle of a large carpark and I was only vaguely aware of the sights and sounds all around me. As I got out of my seat and stood up my legs seemed to be on their own mission and my father put his arms around my waist and we started to walk. I felt as though I was walking in slow motion and I could not make out the words coming out of Mary’s mouth. I was only aware of the pain in her eyes.
The reception area was busy and I leaned against a counter as I presumed that I was being processed into the hospital. Depression had also introduced me to the world of paranoia and everybody was staring at me. I had made a supreme effort to clean myself up for this ordeal but it had obviously not worked. The relentless attention of everybody forced me to bow my head and I walked with my eyes focused on the ground. There seemed to be endless steps to negotiate and I knew that I was weakening fast.
We finally reached the so-called Annexe at Entabeni Hospital. A polite version of saying the ‘madhouse’. It was quiet and very bright. More like a large surburban home than a mental institution. But there was no mistaking the atmosphere. My stomach knotted in fear and horror as I realised that this where THEY would do it to me. I had finally reached the end of the road.
Much like the last year or so of my life nothing was simple. My room was not ready yet so off we returned to the main section of the hospital. Finally my mind started to close down and it retreated to the very special and private places that I had created for myself. I awoke in a private ward with a small balcony overlooking Durban city. There was a T.V. on the wall opposite my bed and a bathroom to my right. Mary and my parents were gone and I could feel that the pills were starting to wear off. It felt good to be in a clean bed and I noticed that I was wearing the new T shirt and shorts that I had bought.
In a strange way my mood was O.K. and I could feel that I needed to sleep and I did just that. It was dark outside when I was awakened by a young nurse asking me if I was feeling better and that it was time to eat. She wheeled in a bed trolley with my food and I sat up to take the pills that she handed to me. ” They’ll help you to relax.” She wrote something on the chart at the end of my bed and then turned and closed the door behind her. With some difficulty I ate some of the food on the tray and as I finished there was a knock on