From the Ashes Rises the Pheonix
From the Ashes Rises the Pheonix
FROM THE ASHES, RISES THE PHOENIX
He was extremely angry this time, placing his hands around my throat. He squeezed hard, so hard that I couldn’t take a breath in. I could only look at him with hatred in my eyes and hope it would burn him. I thought if I looked at him a moment longer, it would end just like that. I looked down as to take my gaze off his face and wished it would end. Relief came just like if I snapped open a can of soda and the air pressure was released. He dropped me to the floor and I landed like a dead rat. I was incapable at that point of moving.
I still couldn’t breathe for the tightness only was worse because now it was swelling. I just layed on the ground. I was cringing, afraid to move. I started to cry uncontrollably.
“You faker” I heard him say. There was such malice in voice and I could feel his eyes piercing right through me with hatred. He kicked me and said I deserved it.
I went through these episodes every night. On rare occasions, when he came home in a good mood, he would let me take a walk to the local Wawa.
This one night he wanted me to go out and get a ½ gallon of Turkey Hill Iced tea. We lived on 9th street in Belmar New Jersey. I was so happy to get out of that place. I left him with the kids, who were one and two years old. I walked seven blocks to Wawa’s. I got my ice tea, and I started to walk back.
I noticed a light coming out of one of the buildings. There were these people in that room. They were doing a sort of dance. One man was dressed in what looked like a long skirt, but it was really divided pants. I know this now to be called a hokima. The man that was in charge seemed like he really had a calm, patient look on his face. I was mesmerized. I didn’t know it but he had seen me. I had been standing there for a while when he motioned me to come in. I went inside and sat down. I watched the whole class. It was unlike any martial arts that I had ever seen before. There was style and grace to the techniques that I witnessed that you just don’t see in regular karate.
I looked up at the clock and realized I had been sitting there for about two hours. I got up with the intention to leave, because I was in trouble now. Something in my gut told me I belonged in that place and I really didn’t want to leave. I made my way toward the door without saying a word. Just as I put my hand on the handle to leave, I heard someone call to me.
“Did you like what you saw?” It was the sensei. I looked at him. My face must have been red that day because I had one of my usual bouts with the terrorist at home.
“It is different from anything I’ve ever seen, I must admit” “Yes I liked it”
“I have to go” I went to walk out the door.
“Would you like to train here with us”? He asked me quite bluntly.
“I don’t have money to train now” “Maybe in a couple of months”
I told him and went to turn away again.
“Wait” “Eve, come here” He said with a quite authority. This woman came out of the dojo. She shook my hand and even thinking back in retrospect, she had compassion on her face. I didn’t’ know it then, but this little meeting will change my life forever as it stands to this day.
“This is Eve”, otherwise known as M. She is the “Mother of the dojo, Not the paternal type” (I can’t get into what it mean, but it show’s her caliber). You go home and write a letter to me why you want to train and bring it here tomorrow. Wear sweatpants; be ready to start to train.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. He told me not to worry about the money. I went straight home and lucky for me the idiot was sleeping. I checked on the kids, and locked myself in my room and started to write that letter. I don’t remember everything I put in that letter. I know it was arduous to write. It took me about an hour. I remember telling him that I was in an abusive relationship and that I wanted to learn to defend myself.
The next day I made an excuse to go to the store again. I went to Bushido Kai of Monmouth where I presented Sensei Chuck Davis with my letter. I sat down on the side, by myself on a bench. Everyone was warming up, and I could imagine myself amongst them and learning what they were learning. I wanted to be in their mist in the worst