Finding Love in Cyberspace/internet Dating
approximately three years, I persisted in the process of self-discovery and have benefited enormously. Having pressure to remarry again from family and friends, I ventured again this time by placing my profile at two separate services. The profiles did not have very many details outlining each individual. One person I recall had lied about his age, claiming to be ten years younger than he was. Honesty is paramount for me and I would imagine for most people. Disappointed with the quality of some profiles, I put more of my focus back on the other company. Having gone through counselling, I was a more confident person. I had no reluctance to being open and up front by including my photos. Personally, I only fully read and viewed profiles that included photos. Looks are important; however, not the deciding factor for the success of a relationship; and I do not mean Mr Universe. I noticed my number one match was a profile that did not have a photo available. I ignored that profile for about two months. One day, I decided to read through this profile, which outlined his physical traits, personality and activities. At this point, I knew what type of men I found attractive and this individual had traits I was looking for. His photo was not available; it was ‘for friends only’. Luckily he included a return email address.
He was an attractive single father, devoted to his children, a successful businessman, educated, compassionate, witty, and as I began to know him more, noticed he was extremely talented in writing. I would confidently say that he is one of the best writers that I have ever had the privilege of reading. This began an equally profound experience for me as having attended counseling. Without faltering, I must put what I have learned into action with Lawrence. We have communicated for 11 months now, mostly via email. Though we have not yet physically met, I feel I know him well and consider him a close friend. I have immensely matured by honestly looking at my strengths and weaknesses and giving myself a fair evaluation. I have learned so much about myself from this relationship. I became conscious of what is important and is not important to me; what I want in a relationship and what I do not want. I have learned when to say enough is enough and how to regain my power when I’m feeling helpless and overwhelmed. I have spent months working on my personal childhood issues of rejection and abandonment.
Many times I would feel on the verge of nausea just before opening his email, from the debilitating fear of rejection. I have learned to exercise mind power when I am totally filled with the feeling of fear. My task was to stay calm and comfort that small wounded child within myself by saying: “I am safe and I won’t leave you”. Communicating with Lawrence has also, acquainted me with my writing capabilities as another form of personal expression. This man has influenced my life, to what capacity, only God knows at this point. Perhaps because of him, I have gained enough confidence to now to pursue writing my first book. This is a relationship I will truly reasure. Of course, like any other relationship, we have had our challenges. Challenges that others may perceive as negative have been positive experiences as they have given me tremendous clarity in seeking the right man for me. Now that is worth it! During the last couple of months, I added my profile to another service. I remember thinking, ‘why not, I have nothing to lose by having my profile out there’. From coaching, I had a clear picture of what type of man I wanted. I put my focus on what I wanted, as opposed to what I did not want. Shortly after, I received an email from a very attractive man, David, who is a successful Marketing Director, educated, grounded, well organized, honest,pro-active and loved to communicate. He was very direct and made his intentions clear from his first email.
He wanted a committed relationship and to meet with me the following month. I was very surprised and even frightened by his level of directness. This was something I was not used to, from communicating with Lawrence. David was completely different in his approach and personality. We started communicating by telephone within twenty-four hours of his first email. Our almost daily talks went on for hours; he loved planning what we would do together. This friendship abruptly ended as it hastily began. Why I attracted David into my life, I am not completely sure of at this point. One thing I am sure of is we sometimes attract what we do not want in our lives or in this case challenges that require personal growth for both of us. My coach was right, the real test for me in meeting David, was to be proud of who I am and not apologize for any aspect of me. And yes, I am a wonderful, loving person, who is deserving, exactly as I am! July 10, 2002 Nada Adams
There are numerous case histories.
It is