Can you please help me edit my speech?

Question by Rainy: Can you please help me edit my speech?
Anything I can tweak to make it better? It is supposed to be 2-3 minutes. I am at 2:30 right now, so I can add or subtract 30 seconds.

June 10, 1983 was a day that changed my aunt’s life forever. My Aunt Lorraine was 18
years old at the time and you could probably say a typical teenager. She did fairly well in
school, had a lot of friends and experimented with drugs and alcohol. This day was no
different than any other day. She was going to a party that night at a friend of a friend’s.
I’m sure we have all been there a time or two. It was a beautiful June night and everyone
was really excited about the party. As we know, that is the best time of year for a
teenager because school is winding down and the carefree days of summer are quickly
approaching. The party started off with everyone swimming , listening to music and
having a lot of fun. Oh, and I forgot to mention that everyone was drinking, which was
nothing out of the ordinary for my aunt and her friends. It was part of their lives, never got
them into any major trouble before and just something they did to have fun

A little later that night, my aunt dove into the swimming pool. That moment was
the end of her life as she knew it. Due to the alcohol, she misjudged where the
bottom of the pool was and broke her neck immediately. Because everyone else was also
so wasted, no one had realized what had happened. It took some time for them to
comprehend she was not coming up. When she was pulled from the pool she was barely
breathing. She was rushed to the hospital. By the grace of god, she made it through the
night which was a miracle in and of itself.
She ingested so much water into her lungs and her body that she was
unrecognizeable. Both of her lungs had collapsed and she was placed on a ventilator for
three long months. By September of that year she was able to breathe on her own but
unfortunately this was just the beginning. She was sent to a rehabilitation facility to
relearn how to do the simplest things and had to face the fact she would never be able to
walk again.

Today she is a 45 year old quadriplegic. After many years of rehabilitation, she has
been able to live a somewhat normal life. She got married, through the miracles of
modern medicine was able to have a baby girl who is now 10, and even has held a part
time job. However, she complains daily of being in terrible pain. The fact still remains
that she has not been able to walk since she was 18 years of age, and she is reminded of that every minute of her life.
It’s not a life any of us would want for ourselves.
Since I was a baby, she has always been my aunt in a wheelchair yet not until recently
did I come to realize that all of this could have really been avoided. She would be the first
to admit her stupidity robbed her of a normal life.
Anything can happen to anyone, and you are never invincible. Always remember that
your actions one time can change your entire life forever.

Best answer:

Answer by Feisty
Wow. Really good. Hope some people pay attention!
I don’t really think any major changes are needed.
As to tweaking — the best way to tell is to read the speech a few times. If you stumble over the same place more than once, then you probably need to reword it there a little.
KUDOS!

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