to leave, or not to leave?

Question by Sally: to leave, or not to leave?
I have plenty of reasons to divorce my husband (liar, sex addict, joined ta the hip with bossy parents). details are too long, and are at:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Asm1vZZuV2B2STpxoh9JAmXty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20080928090226AAESdYX

as most of the answers suggest, i hink i should leave.

but, here is the difficult part. my husband doesn’t look or sound remorseful, but he is doing all the politically correct things to “make amends”, “reform”, etc. he claims he is seeing a certified sex addiction therapist for the addiction, joined the local chapter of sex addicts anonymous, got a sponsor, and i sent him to a psychologist to “cure” his lying. he got some books/workbook by patrick carnes (sex addiction expert) and claims he is going through the 12 steps of sex addiction recovery.

i asked him to discontinue contact with his parents (they are toxic – the “advise” him against me, and he listens – i cannot tolerate that), and he claims he has done so.

now, his claims are hard to verify. i saw some books at home and he locks himself up in a room and claims he is studying those books, and i have seen him rarely use his computer at home anymore, but i know that if people want to feed their addiction, they will find a way to.

he has crazy-made me for the last 2.5 years, and made me lose trust in my gut feelings, manipulating me to believe what he wanted me to believe, and invalidating my gut feelings.

i am so depressed that i cannot get out of bed many days, and i feel if i leave him i will stop eating. he is taking care of the cooking, so i feel i am falling prey to what they call the stockholm syndrome in psychology – people stay with an abuser for small, unimportant “good” things, neglecting the big, important “bad” things.

i am so confused – should i leave or should i not? will i feel bad for not giving him another chance if i leave? will i fall for another, even worse guy if i leave?

Best answer:

Answer by Joe R
You need help beyond what you will get on this site. You have to find out if he is really doing all those things for his addiction, or just bsing you. I’d hate to tell you to leave, if you are just being paranoid. If he IS bsing you, then you need to be out of there in a split second. No ask yourself, “Do you really think you are not going to fee yourself if you leave him?” It sounds like you understand the realities of what is happening to you (the Stockholm reference), so perhaps all you need to do is get over the fear of leaving. Fear is most times a wasted energy. Good luck

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