52 — i will be stable and directive within my family construct — june 22, 2010

For awhile i really wanted to leave and go to: not ever be around my family again. This mentallity is an emotional distraction… where i can go somewhere “better”, and i have created ’emotional feelys’ in my mind that fit this “place” that i want for them. I notice that in this imagined experience where i run away from (and blame) MY emotions with my family, i am not at all considering myself, points that i know i would likley have to deal with in that situation. I am only considering the emotional feely. So now i will be involved with my family and direct myself with them. This is not easy, but it is very helpful because i react alot to this family-life. We are not happy people.