Would you say he is being controlling/manipulative?

Question by cheesecake_stripper: Would you say he is being controlling/manipulative?
I smoke cigarettes. So does my friend. We’ve been smoking for the past several years (trying to quit, it’s hard though). One thing my friend likes to do on random occasions is take my cigarettes away from me when I want one, and absolutely REFUSE to give them back. He claims that he’s trying to “help” me quit smoking. If I get mad about the fact that he took my cigarettes, he starts calling me names and saying that if I didn’t need “help,” I wouldn’t be “whining” about him not giving my cigarettes back. He claims that by me wanting my cigarettes back (and getting mad about it because he won’t), that that’s a sign I need serious help with my addiction. Basically, he puts me in a foul mood where I want a cigarette even more, because he makes me feel like an addict so far gone (based on my supposed “do or die addictive behavior”) that there’s no use in even trying. But the fact of the matter is… I am not *that* addicted. I smoke just as much as he does, a little under a half a pack a day. I have been trying to quit, but I honestly think that is something only *I* can do, not something that can be accomplished by him being Mr. Tyrant and confiscating my cigarettes from me. I try to explain to him why him taking my cigarettes pisses me off, but then he always turns it around to make me look like the bad guy. I’m not condoning smoking here… But what I’m trying to figure out is–is he in the right by taking my cigarettes away and trying to control whether I smoke or not, or am I in the right for getting mad that he’s trying to control me and not giving me my own space to sort out my OWN problems/addictions?

Best answer:

Answer by Adrian
You have every right to be upset!! Nobody at all has the right to take anything from you,and if he cared as much as he claims, he would respect your wishes and simply tell you that he cares about your health and wishes you wouldn’t smoke, and then leave it at that, and trust your good judgement that when you’re ready, you’ll quit, and then be there for you when you DO decide that it’s time to quit. Nobody on Earth can just stop smoking because someone takes your cigs and says “Okay, you’re not going to smoke anymore bc it’s bad for you”. Nobody, no matter how bad they want too. You can only quit when the time is right for YOU and you have to find out the best way for you to quit when that times comes – Nicotine patches, cold turkey, whatever. Not to mention, yes smoking is bad, I do it too, I know this, but he is acting like you’re a drug addict on the verge of overdosing. He has serious control issues and I don’t think he’s doing this just because hes so concerned with your health – uh, not to mention he does the same thing!!! He’s doing it bc he’s a control freak, and is probably even smoking the cigarettes he takes from you lol. Don’t worry about what he says, quit when you’re ready and not a moment before or else you’ll start right back smoking. Good Luck!

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