Why do I emotionally torture myself like this?
Question by Stevie The Awesome: Why do I emotionally torture myself like this?
Ever since ending a very bad and abusive relationship I blame myself for not changing him. Any girls out there ever been in my position that would like to share their experience and how they coped? I am seeing a therapist but the rest of the time I am miserable.
And I am not suicidal, I love my life but hate that I couldn’t fix him. I keep thinking I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me, but he hit me and called me names. Idk what to do…
Best answer:
Answer by serendipity
It sounds like your judgment still has yet to be cleared from the emotions the relationship caused. That can take a long time to do. I was in a relationship with someone who took his depression out on me in the most cruel and manipulative ways he could, and threatened suicide if I even began to stand up for myself. I “loved him unconditionally” so for months I put up with everything he did. I think back to some of our conversations and think “how was I dumb enough to fall for all that?” but I wasn’t dumb, I was blinded by the thought of how sweet he was to me in the beginning of our relationship, and believed I was taking on a responsibility to “help” him. I know now that he didn’t want help at all, he just wanted to enjoy the feeling of power over another person. That’s what ALL ABUSERS do. They aren’t misguided or misunderstood about the damage they cause, they know the pain they cause you and that’s exactly what they want. Even in the cases of people who are only mean/violent because of anger management problems, that’s still not your problem. It’s THEIR responsibility to get the professional help they need before sharing themselves with another person.
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