Where do we draw the line on spoiling a child?

Question by Guess Who: Where do we draw the line on spoiling a child?
My bf’s son, JD, calls me Mama. I claim him as my own son. His real mother was declared an unfit mother (child negligence/abuse, drug use, etc) and is not allowed to see the boy. I have taken over as the mother figure in his life and I am concerned about something. I am not sure if I am overreacting because I have no children of my own, so I don’t know what is acceptable or normal. JD stays with his grandma during the week (John is in the Army and works all day, everyday.) and comes to our house on weekends. From what I have seen, grandma sends sugary cereals, cheetos, choc cookies, and soda over here for him to eat whenever he visits. He overall doesn’t want to come here because we have rules, we don’t feed him sugary crap, etc. At grandma’s house, JD has his own entertainment center, big tv, over $ 4000 and growing worth of toys, gets away with a little more than he should. His favorite word is “no” and with me, it falls on deaf ears. Cont.
I can’t talk to grandma about it because she hates me (I’m dating her only son, her youngest child). They are afraid to let the child stay here all the time (I can’t blame them) because of what happened to the boy before. He was abused by his OWN MOTHER. I want what’s best for this child, but it’s hard to do when all he is used to is being spoiled rotten. I have told John that if we ever have a baby of our own, I am not going to let grandma watch her, ever. I DO NOT WANT A SPOILED CHILD!! I do not like how she is spoiling JD and I certainly am not going to allow it for my own child. Where do we draw the line on sugary snacks, soda, and overall “spoiling” of a child?
The child is 3 and will be 4 in January.
Now, with all the snacks and such…I believe moderation is fine! Let him have some once in a while. From his behavior patterns, I understand that grandma gives him sugary snacks and soda EVERYDAY. I don’t see him eat normal meals. All he wants is cheetos, cookies, and soda all the time. I am concerned about his health. That’s not my entire point though. My main question is where does spoiling become too much? As a result of all of this, I don’t want my own child (when I have one) anywhere near this grandma. I don’t want a spoiled child. Am I being irrational? My child can be held by her, can visit with her if I am around, but will NOT stay with her overnight or for an extended period of time, especially without my presence.

Best answer:

Answer by georgia_peach
I agree with you. She spoils him to much. He is only three – he must have his own room at her house to put all of his toys, t.v.
and everything else in.
Where to draw the line? At everything she is doing.
If he was six or older he would probably choose sugary cereals and snacks. But at his age adults need to choose for him. The grandmother should be giving him healthy meals, and snacks, or at least not giving him that sugary crap
EVERY DAY. He is to young to be that spoiled. Since
your boyfriend works so much during the week does he sleep throughout the whole weekend? Does he spend time with his son on the weekend? Does he have an opinon about this situation?

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