Very funny jokes. Very time consuming, but TOTALLY worth it.?
Question by InternetHobo: Very funny jokes. Very time consuming, but TOTALLY worth it.?
Please read them all, and star if you like!
Please critique by all, or by section. All are my own jokes, or slightly modified of other peoples. Thank you!
1. Dress as a nerd and ‘roll in the hood’ with your hood down.
2. Stop at a gas station, roll down your windows, and if someone approaches to ask you to move, ask “Money for the poor?”
3. If you have a BMW go around town yelling “Look at my Boozed up Moron Wagon!”
4. Using a fake accent call the abuse hotline, when they ask where you are, say “Wherever I want to be baby!” and hang up.
5. Put your hood down and stop at a gas station. Then yell “Ahh a dent. Who the f’ck did this to me!?!?” then look up slowly at someone and point at then while yelling “YOU!” then drive off.
6. Stop at a gas station with your hood down and make fast car noises.
7. Stop at a gas station and put your radio on full blast, on an AM station.
8. If someone asks where you got your car, start babbling about how your mother never kissed you.
9. If you see a “hobo” asking for money, stop and say “oh. Poor you! What can momma (even if your a dude) do for you?” then hand him an empty water bottle.
1. Tell the checker they need to trim their nose hairs.
2. If there’s a family with kids, start cussing and saying they stole your pancake mix.
3. Get a box of crayons, then put them in a baby’s cradle, then claim that he/she stole them.
4. Wear all white and ask everyone you see if they’d like to join your new religion; the (Your name)inians.
5. Make out with the checker.
6. Make out with some random person. (Preferably OPPOSITE gender :P)
7. Ask the checker “Paper or Plastic Ma’am/Sir?”
8. Sing at the top of your lungs to the store music off tune and maybe even the wrong song, then apologize to someone for your “break out”.
9. If it’s the Dollar Store, ask constantly, to every item, “and how much is this?”.
10. If someone asks “Paper or plastic?” look offended and say “Rubber of course!”.
11. At the pharmacy, ask the pharmacist if she smuggles heroin.
12. At the pharmacy, gurgle Alka-seltzer and yell “RABIES!”
13. At the pharmacy, talk to an old man/woman about doing meth in the alley together, making sure the pharmacist hears.
14. Follow a family around the store, yelling “WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!?!?” if they turn around and look at you.
15. Hum to elevator music, while the store is quiet.
16. Tell the deli woman/man to give you two 10 lb. chunks of ground homo-sapien (human).
17. Memorize the scientific names of cake mix, and tell the baker you want them, in the order said.
18. Mock the butcher/deli person.
19. Pretend to talk to the freezer with a group of people right next to you.
20. Make out with a bag of corn/peas/mixed vegetables in the middle of a group of the opposite gender.
21. Accuse the checker of murder.
22. Use the emergency phone to order pizza.
23. Claim the checker is unsanitary, call over their manager, and then say “Woops, too many shrooms for me”.
24. Shower in the vegetable sprayers.
25. Sprint into a bathroom yelling “AHHHH NOOO” then drench your hair, flush all the toilets, and leave every sink on (unless they’re automatic) and run out screaming “NOT AGAIN!!!!”
26. At the pharmacy, bring a bag of portobella mushrooms and claim to and old man, yelling “THEY WORK MIRACLES. THE NATURAL ENHANCER!” making sure the pharmacist hears.
27. Soak Zyrtec in blue food coloring, and pop them in the pharmacy, yelling “THUMP THUMP, THUMP THUMP!!!!! WHERE’S THE BATHROOM!!!!”
28. Claim your god in front of a group of “Brothers and Sisters”.
29. Challenge customers to fights; with gift wrap.
30. Get a 20 boxes of condoms and put them in people’s carts when they aren’t looking.
31. Move a “Wet Floor” sign to a carpeted area.
32. Go to the service desk and ask them to put a bag of M&M’s on layaway.
33. Hiding in clothes racks, and when people browse thru, yell “PICK ME PICK ME!”
34. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, “NO! NO! It’s those voices again.”
35. Go into a fitting room and yell loudly, “Hey! We’re out of
toilet paper in here!”
36. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look using
different size funnels.
37. Go up to one of the cameras they have on display and use it as a mirror and start picking your nose.
38. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
39. Start playing football and see how many others will join.
40. Dress as santa and ask for money from all the customers.
and to wrap it up with a HUGE bow:
41. Stand at the entrance to Wal-Mart and tell everyone that walks by “Welcome to Wal-Mart” before the greeter can. Or for, the more apt, say “Welcome to Wal-mart Get your sh’t and get the f’ck out.”
1. Stand by a gas pump and when someone approaches, scream “Kid get off my lawn!”
2. Stand by a gas pump and when a car pulls up yell “How may I take your order” in a bad accent, and then say “Would you like fries with that?”
3. Stay at the gas pump fo
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