Third try: My Granddaughter is getting married in 2 days?

Question by Grammie: Third try: My Granddaughter is getting married in 2 days?
I know this is long, but I really need the help.

I would like to tell her about her Mom and Dad getting married and the disaster it caused.

Background:
She is 30 and has wanted children for a long time. She has been dating a 3 time felon. He is in prison, but gets weekends off, hence, she is going to have the child she wants. He gets out in Dec. He was a junkie when he went to lock up. She was a junkie for over 10 years. After he went to prison she cleaned herself up, (4 years ago) His weekends have to be spent with his next of kin. He cannot leave the state of NE. His mother lives in Iowa. She lives in Iowa. Her mother lives in NE. The weekends are spent at her mother’s apt, with his Mom along.

She told her Mom, she is getting married now, because then she would be his next of kin and his mother would not have to accompany them on “their” weekends. As I see it, that is the only immediate change that would happen. I should also say, I believe she loves him as she has stood by him during this prison time. I should also say he has been known to throw her up against a wall. Other than that, he is a nice guy and I like him. But the “other” is a biggie. They lived with me for a short time and he was always respectful to me.

Her Mom has tried to talk to her and she only got mad and would not listen.

Before she was born, in the late 70s, I was under enormous pressure, from HER and my “family” that my pregnant daughter get married. (We were in the conservative midwest) Her Dad said, she should not get married just because she was pregnant, but she did love him. And yes, she did.

Bottom line, they got married. It turned out, she had not told me, that he was a pot head. I should have seen how he treated his mother. They got married and within 4 years, the whole thing fell apart, with 2 babies.

I believe that “because they were married” he felt he had more “right” to the girls, than if they had not married and she continued to live with us. His father and mother demonstrated that they felt the same way and would fight to the death for him to have custody.

My daughter legally got custody, but he had beaten her down till she knew she could not properly take care of the girls, so she gave him custody. (She did not know how bad it would get.) The bottom line was he had custody (age 2 and 3 ) till the first graduated from high school and only threats freed the second from his grip..

At the time, of the divorce, I felt he would live in his mother’s basement and his mother would be taking care of the girls, so it would be OK. It did not turn out that way. In fact, he would use the girls to manipulate his mother. “If you can’t give me some money, then I can’t bring the girls to see you.” And when his mother saw bruises on the older one, she was afraid to report it, in case he would be able to keep the girls and she would never see them again.”

The girls had years of mental and PHYSICAL abuse. They lived with daily pot, meth, crank, crack, whatever. You name it, he and whatever his current girlfriend were doing. Yes, they were reported and my “grandbaby” got in major trouble after he talked his way out of it. Yes, they were reported again, and talked his way out, again. He became my granddaughter’s dealer, sometimes trading her for the drugs for both of them.

I don’t want to try to talk her out of her marriage. I don’t want to lecture her.(She would only get mad and “get her back up”)

I just want her to know what could happen to her baby. What can I say?
If this post does not end with:
I just want her to know what could happen to her baby. What can I say?
Just forget it.
It looks good when I post it, but not when I go back after posting.

Sorry for the other ones.
I should not have said he felt he had the “right” to the girls. I should have said, “attached to the girls”

Best answer:

Answer by luvnhatelife
Just tell her the truth.

Sit her down, have a heart to heart conversation. Don’t hint, don’t cut corners. Tell her the truth. Tell her what you know.

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