The Borderline Personality and Emotional Intelligence
was when I was around 5 years old and she would lock herself in a dark room for a day or longer; she would cry uncontrollably upon the notification that my Dad was going out-of-town for business; she was cruel to my Dad’s parents; and she was always in an angry or dark mood. She maintained this behavior through my youth.
When I was a teenage, she was very inappropriate socially– flirting with boys that visited at the house by batting her eye lashes, making her eyes really big, wearing tight jeans & high heels while strutting around in front of them, and laughing this loud, haughty laugh. She also would engage in inappropriate conversation with my friends regarding drinking and sex while using profanity. She would talk to me about sex (in a friend to friend way, not mother to daughter way), use plenty of foul language, and listen to explicit music with me.
I remember going to professional settings with her (my step-father’s medical meetings for example) where I would cringe about how she conducted herself. She would talk about topics that I found uncomfortable, and I could sense the company found the topics awkward or inappropriate as well. I remember her talking about nasty and gross topics at the dinner table when we had friends over– and they would be disgusted, questioning our mother’s behavior. My mother thought she was being “cool” by using foul language, and she used it to such an extent that a very Christian boyfriend wouldn’t date me anymore after hearing her talk.
By the time I was a young adult, I found myself making excuses for her to company- or I would be so embarrassed that I would leave the room. One time we were out at a VERY fine dining restaurant with a large group of people, some of which we knew and some we just met. She started talking about her hysterectomy and its complications. I could tell how appalled some of the people were– and I wanted SO MUCH to crawl up underneath that table.
Throughout my life she has had groups of friends and then dumped them, replacing them with entire new group of friends. At this point in her life, she doesn’t have any long term friends to speak of except one that lives across the country. The friends that are dumped wonder what the hell happened, which includes the one that lives across the country as she was dumped at one point for over a decade. My mother also seems to weasel her way back into the estranged friend’s life at serious times. For example, when her ex-friend was on his deathbed, she suddenly was at this man’s side and talking about how much she loves him. She relishes drama and being on a crusade– and this type of situation fits that desire.
When she’s in a social setting, she feels as if she has to fill in the gaps and entertain, so many times she rambles about things that are inappropriate, laughs an obvious fake laugh, and thinks that she’s making people feel comfortable. In reality, she is making people uncomfortable with the constant chatter and the questionable topics. Sometimes she’ll divulge private information about family members — even when they’re right there. Many times I remember feeling my blood pressure rise when hearing her speak about my private life or private issues. One of the first times that she met my in-laws (my husband and I weren’t married yet), she talked about some information at a fine dining dinner that my mother-in-law had privately told my mother. And when you confront her about what she said, she turns the table on you and says that you are being ridiculous and shouldn’t be so sensitive.
My mother definately doesn’t have a filter for what she says, but she also doesn’t have a filter for how she reacts. She flies off the handle, changing from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde instantly when she feels threatened, if you don’t agree with her, or if the topic is my Dad. And the fall out from the Mr. Hyde can last for months– with her viewpoint of what happened morphing further and further from reality. During these episodes, she’ll write letters / emails that become more and more deranged. She’ll try to get as many people on her side as possible, telling all sorts of lies, exaggerations, and misleading statements.
My mother lives and breathes the situation to the point that she believes her own lies. I think the only way she can live with herself after the dust settles is for her to believe her own lies. Her husband is so intimidated by her that he doesn’t help to keep her head in reality. He won’t contradict her as he doesn’t want to feel her wrath, so he goes along with her rants and twisted accounts. His complacency and seeming agreement with her only reinforces her belief that she is right– that her bizarre reality is correct.
The amazing part of all of this is she was an Alcohol & Drug Rehab Counselor who has undergraduate work in Psychology. She dealt with all sorts of personality disorders and otherwise and was