Story of “child abuse” but is it really?

Question by Anonymous: Story of “child abuse” but is it really?
I’m 16 years old. My parents have been divorced since I was 5, and I have not seen my father for a long time. I’m an abusive person and I’ve abused my family of 3 (single-parent household) verbally many times and sometimes even physically. I find my mother to be very hypocritical. She has tried to raise me in a way that she herself cannot follow and I’ve noticed that. An example of this is her idea of sending me to a religious elementary school. I was taught to be quite a religious person there and as I learned more and more I realized that my own mother was not following the religion she was telling me to follow… and it really frustrated me and I even tried talking to her about it numerous times. I’m at the point where I cannot stand her anymore and quite frankly I wish to not live with her… but I don’t have many options, after all I’m still in high school.

I’ve been very rude to my mother and have “accused” her of abusing me as a child (she has after all although it may not be physical). Why would I accuse her of abusing me as a child? Well… numerous times when I was younger (from maybe 6-10) when my mother use to get upset with me for being bad or naughty whatever it may be she would swear at me and say things that I think hurt me emotionally. She would also insult my father and say things such as “God take his soul” and so on except it would contain much more profanity and violent behaviour. She never really hit me but the language she used made me feel really bad. I still feel kind of bad. I think I’ve been suffering from long-term depression for a really long time (I’ve read up on this kind of stuff a lot). For example I’ve gone through the whole suicidal thought process, but I’ve never really done anything (and this was a thing of the past, I don’t think like that anymore however the depression is still there sometimes). Also when I my mother use to get angry and “abusive” I use to cry a lot afterward.. but she would always apologize (most of the time) however, sometimes I would hide somewhere and pray to God to take my life. One day my prayer was almost answered and I never prayed for that again. I don’t think a young child should ever have to pray for something such as that. I don’t mean to make my mother look like a bad person, she is a great person in many aspects, but I do not like her. She cannot acknowledge that she has hurt me emotionally whether it was intentional or not.

I’m sure I could get arrested for the verbal and even physiclal abuse (although the abuse was two sided and the physical abuse rarely ever occurred) however, I also think my mother would deserve some sort of punishment. She claims that I am the abusive one in this story and I have to agree sadly, but then again I am the minor and I also claim that she has abused me also (in the past). I have much more to write than this but I will stop here.I think my mother has been a major factor in my depression and my abusive behaviour. I need to hear the thoughts of others….

Best answer:

Answer by letterstoheather
Hi.. i’m sorry for your pain.

I, too, was emotionally abused as a child — and physically as well. If someone gave me a choice and i had to be abused either way again, i’d take the physical abuse. Emotional abuse feels so much more of a depth of pain than physical abuse. So, i understand how you feel in some ways, i think.

It seems as if your mother has an idea that you need to be raised with some religious background, so that’s what she has provided. And, your mother isn’t the only hypocritical parent out there, believe me. If you’ve never heard the saying, “do as i say, not as i do”, i think this is what your mom is living by! It’s not uncommon.

Hon, sometimes we don’t like a person’s actions, and can actually dislike them, but somehow we still feel a bond or love. Life is strange that way. And, i’m sure your mother doesn’t mean to be hurtful, but she has been conditioned to behave the way she does, and has no idea she has been cruel or abusive. It’s called DENIAL, i’d say. My father is the same way – he denies he ever hurt me or anyone… and he holds himself in high esteem. The truth is he’s a sick individual, and will never change.

Depression isn’t fun – i’ve also suffered a lot of that during my lifetime. (i’m 53 years old). I have taken it upon myself to receive therapy for everything i went through as a child, and i have been able to let it go. I haven’t forgotten it, but i have accepted it for what it was, and i’ve moved forward with my own life. The therapy really helped.

Perhaps you could talk to a school counselor about your feelings, and maybe they could give you some advice about some good resources for help. It’s worth a try.

I can also understand your anger and frustration with your mother. But i’d also like to say that maybe you could work toward ACCEPTING her for the way she is. The reason i say this is because she’s not going to change. Once you gain acceptance, you will realize she’s who she is, and her behaviors will be easier to ignore/overlook.

Learning to ignore a person’s behaviors is hard, at best, but when we can do that, and when we can accept them for whatever type of individual they are, our healing begins.

The only other advice I have is to behave toward others in the way you feel is proper. This also takes tolerance and practice, but it does help us in the long run.

i’m sending all best wishes.

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