Social Anxiety

What is it about socializing that frightens so many people? Is it the fact that you have to intermingle with other people? There are a vast number of reasons that someone might feel extremely uncomfortable in social situations. For example, we might feel uncomfortable at a party because we do not know anyone there. But others may argue, “Well, if you don’t know anyone at the party, then why would you put yourself there in the first place?”

There are a number of people who would speculate that the best way to overcome a fear of something is to immerse yourself fully in it. Now, this isn’t to say that if you have a fear of spiders that you should automatically throw yourself into a room full of loose spiders. That’s enough to drive anyone crazy. However, if you were to work with a specialist who is an expert at dealing with spiders and gradually introduce yourself to one spider here or there, then you would find that eventually, you’d get over your fear. This same type of logic of “gradually” introducing your fears as a means of getting beyond them is applicable to all other areas of your life. Take the example of someone who is afraid of heights for example.

If you are afraid of heights, you should first envision yourself not being afraid of it. Combine this with gradual steps each day (literally). Each day, practice going up a flight of stairs in a building and then look out the window. As you look out of the window, tell yourself that it’s not as bad as you think. Getting over your fears takes constant reaffirmation of that fact. Now, getting back to social anxiety. Ask yourself why it is that you feel uncomfortable around others. Nine times out of ten you will find that a lot of social anxiety has to do with lack of confidence. If you don’t hold yourself in the highest of esteems, then how in the world can you expect others to do the same?

When a person is not confident, it shows. Conversely, if a person is confident, it is glaringly obvious. Those people who are confident tend to attract more people because confident people tend to be more optimistic as well as more even tempered. And, who wouldn’t want to be around someone like that? Practice makes perfect. Get out and throw yourself into the mix. Bring a friend- particularly someone who is comfortable in their own skin. Pay attention to how they present themselves. Often, if you pretend like you’re confident, you’ll do a great job and will actually begin to believe it!

First, however, you need to work on your self image. Work on improving yourself and feeling better about yourself. This is an area of your life where it’s ok to be selfish. Figure out what the things are about yourself that you don’t like, how plausible these things are as well as how you can work on changing them. Do things that will make you feel good about yourself without hurting who you are.