Should I continue dating someone with a drug and alcohol addiction?
Question by Mark Rain: Should I continue dating someone with a drug and alcohol addiction?
So I’ve been dating someone who admits to having an addiction to drugs and alcohol. She used to do heavy drugs, but only smokes weed now. However, that is every day, multiple times a day. She has lost a good job because of this in the past, but still smokes. She used to go to AA and admits to an alcohol problem also, but she still drinks. She got a DUI a year ago and has a breathalyzer in the vehicle, but still attempts to drink and drive at times. She’s almost 30 and still lives with her parents (always has). She has mentioned she has no real interest in getting back into recovery or stopping her behaviors. Actually, I think she’s in complete denial. She freely admits to being addicted, but seems to think that her behaviors don’t impact her life negatively in any way.
It’s just hard because, foolishly I will admit, I decided to give the relationship a shot, even when I knew of these issues very early. We get along well and have fun together, and we have developed strong feelings for each other since we’ve been dating (for about 3 months now). She treats me fairly well, but is admittedly a bit selfish at times which has resulted in a few issues and concerns on my end. She also has a history of cheating and has even told me once (when drunk) that she could never say 100% that she would never cheat again, that “sometimes situations arise” and that “we’re all human”. This is in contradiction to what she says when sober – that she would never cheat again. More and more I’m also seeing the effects of her lifestyle such as her mood swings based on whether she has or has not either drank or smoked.
I knew this probably wasn’t a good match when I met her, but didn’t really listen to my gut. I’ve been thinking I should end this relationship now, before we get even more attached. Any thoughts or suggestions?
Best answer:
Answer by Barb Outhere
You just have to ask yourself “Would I want this in my life, long term?” because she’s already said that SHE has no intention of changing.
She admits to addiction, but doesn’t want help.
She denies the ways it affects her life, even though she lost her job because of it, and has a monitior fitted to her car.
She changes how she acts when drinking or high, but won’t stop.
She admits to cheating, and doesn’t know if she will again.
You admit “…this probably wasn’t a good match when I met her, but didn’t really listen to my gut…” and “…She treats me fairly well, but is admittedly a bit selfish at times which has resulted in a few issues and concerns on my end…”
Don’t assume she will change. Is this what you want for yourself long term? That is what you have to decide. If not, don’t mess about, end it.
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