Separated because of drug abuse..what do we do? can people change?

Question by Lady_J: Separated because of drug abuse..what do we do? can people change?
My fiance and I have been together for almost 3 years. we moved to california and lived in hotels for almost a year while trying to find a place. I became pregnant and we found our home a month before i had the baby. I was forced to go back to work early because money was still so tight, and he was never good handling the money and he never has let me completely. it got to the point that the landlord would call to see where the rent was almost by the time the next months rent was due. Every morning he would want my tip money ‘for gas and lunch’ and I ended up finding out he was smoking crack. I had no idea. he stayed out every weekend until 3 am not answering his phone doing drugs and who know what else. We lost the house after only 2 months and moved in with his boss. Finally the beginning of this year we got a house and I thought we were past everything and he stole money out of my purse and went out again all night. I fogave, he straightened up, and I found more evidence. I left a few months ago, a few days after he got into an accident and broke his leg, he had all kind of drugs in his system. he went to rehab, was doing wonderful, got out…doing good, went back to work and broke his leg again!! he started getting pain pills, went back to rehab..got out and still on pain pills. Ive used that as an excuse thinking that he actually needs those, and I still dont live at the house but weve been talking still. We just got back from vacation and he got drunk a few times, now he says he will stop again and the other day I found more stuff that he uses to smoke crack! I left and told him to forget it. I actually do feel that he loves me, but he would change or get the help if he really wanted to right? I just dont understand! I have done everything I can. by the way the utilities are in my name there, what am i to do, just shut them off? I just dont understand why I am not good enough for him to change for!

Best answer:

Answer by Kristen
From what I understand, the power of addiction can be so much that whatever someone is addicted to becomes more important than anything else, even family – that’s why it is called an addiction. If he has an addiction (which he obviously does) it has nothing to do with you. It is his problem. If he is addicted to that extent, it doesn’t matter who he is with, nothing will be as important as the drug, so long as he is addicted. Don’t let his problem become your problem anymore. You deserve someone who can and will value you more than any substance. I would pack up and get out if you haven’t done so already, shut off the utilities and don’t give him any money, no matter what he says he needs it for. It may take losing all of these valuable things – you, a house, job, etc, for him to really get his s*** together. And he may not, even then. I’m sure it’s hard, but you deserve to get away from him, grieve, and then move on and be happy. And remember – it’s his addiction, his problem – it has nothing to do with you.

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