Multi-year Ultram abuser needs help sobering up (Long)?

Question by owned by Milo and Toby: Multi-year Ultram abuser needs help sobering up (Long)?
I’ve gotten up to 60 pills a day. The only opiate detox symptom I don’t get is vomiting- instead I get ravenously hungry.

My other symptoms are as thus:

Goose bumps, anxiety, watery eyes and nose, yawning. did I mention anxiety? Irritabitlity, insomnia (BAD), and weirdly enough, extreme sexual arousal. I get a hoarse voice and lack of energy….

but anyways I went 8 days without (after the second day detox I almost died by OD’in on Valium and Benadryl- my mom called the ambulance and I spend the next three-four days in the psych ward. Anyways I’ve since gotten out. Was set out on Seroquel and Celexa.

I’ve learned that Ultram is also an antidepressant of sorts, and now I’m starting a new anti depressant. I’m still having trouble sleeping and such serious acute anxiety attacks. I left the psych ward after the state legal hold, but now regret that since I stil have drug cravings and thought of ending it all. I know it takes time for the anti depressants to kick in, and my supposed “outpatient rehab” starts tomorrow, but the day before yesterday I was so anxious I was willing to recheck myself into the pscyh ward. The social worker and doctor at the ER noted that the psych docs didn’t send me with an immediate anti anxolytic, so they suggested I take one at home until my rehab appt. rather than check into the pscyh floor again.

Today i had no relief from the anti-anxiety med, Klonopin, even taking it at 5 x the dose prescribed (one mg). I got crying and despondent and seriously considered suicide. Instead of doing so I went to a different ER and played up some hip pain (that got me hooked on opiates in the first place) and got Lortab and a Dilaudid shot then 30 more Lortab. My husband is pissed at me because I was without for so long, but I really thought it was that or suicide. I still have that group therapy and an appt with a psychologist tomorrow, so what should I do? Lie about the whole thing and pretend I’m still clean?

My husband is at his wits end with me, as I’m sure I would be too. I keep saying and believing I want to be clean and sober, but then if they knew how hard it was for me to be that way they would never ask it of me, right?

Anyways, this is just a rambler asking for advice….

Best answer:

Add your own answer in the comments!