If you were married, together for ten years, and he can’t stop talking to his ex – your opinion, please?
Question by R M: If you were married, together for ten years, and he can’t stop talking to his ex – your opinion, please?
So we’ve had our ups and downs over the years, as to be expected. I was probably too young when we got together and he’s a bit older than I am. He drives a truck so he’s gone most of the time but I’ve stayed faithful; I don’t lie, do drugs or even go out partying. I’ve been working full-time through much of the relationship and I usually try to make sure the house is clean when he comes home. I make sure all the bills get paid and while we’re not living the high life, we’re doing okay.
Throughout the years he’s told me numerous times to get my stuff and get out, or that he would get his stuff and leave, but each time I find out later he was just bluffing or saying that to get his point across. He’s toned that down some after I told him that it wouldn’t be a thing to make that happen — that if he doesn’t want to be together, that’s fine and we don’t have to be. My point is that I’m not a complete pushover. I may not be the best wife, but I try. He may not be the best husband, but I believe he tries sometimes at least.
Take a breath before this next part, it’s like an f’ing novela. He was with his ex for two years before she finally got pregnant after running around with all sorts of other guys behind his back. He’d asked her to marry him at some point, but after this they separated. For the first several years I got compared to the Ex constantly; I was too young to know any better, had been raised in a very misogynistic family, so I took the criticism and tried to improve. And then, of course, I got tired of it and started sticking up for myself. I would tell him, “If anyone had *ever* treated me like this before I met you….” He could get away with more than I’d allow anyone else to — ah, the joys of being in love.
So over time we found a good balance of sorts, and he finally stopped talking about his ex. But he didn’t stop talking *to* his ex. I found that out and pitched fits: “Hasn’t she caused enough problems already?” A year ago, he finally agreed to stop talking to her. That if it “bothered” me that much, he wouldn’t do it anymore. Okay, we’ll look beyond years of verbal abuse and disrespect if he’s willing to make an effort. Okay.
Until she friends him on Facebook, prompting my leaving of Facebook. I finally sent her a message saying if she needed someone to talk to *that* bad, if she didn’t have *anybody* else in the world, she could talk to me. I’m open-minded, and it would make me feel more comfortable because I’ve never lied to me about her, and he has. In a humiliating attempt at peace, I asked her to stop talking to him because it was disrupting our marriage, to which she replies, “I can’t control him talking to me.” That’s the same answer I get from him: he can’t control her talking to him. And so nowhere in this whole mess am I condoning their continued contact, not that that stops them:
Since April of this year, nearly four months ago, they’ve talked on the phone for over 12 hours and his cell phone bill has doubled because of overage charges this month alone — from July 14th to the 19th, they’ve spent almost four hours on the phone. From the first of this month, they’ve had 120 texts back and forth. And he keeps going on about how she just “needs help” and “doesn’t have anyone else.” He doesn’t see how it’s a big deal, and maybe you won’t either. Am I being unreasonable? It bothers me to a point that they talk, but what really takes the cake is that he apparently can’t *stop* talking to her.
I realize this is a long question, and thanks if you’ve made it this far. I realize this is a difficult situation, but I’m not pathetic and he’s not usually this much of a jackass. I would just really love an unbiased opinion on this one. Thank you again.
Best answer:
Answer by Buzzoff
My unbiased opinion is that he is not over her and probably never will be. You need to dump him and move on, because he will never be the man you want him to be.
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