I let my 17 yr old daughter go but did I do the right thing?

Question by atscarla: I let my 17 yr old daughter go but did I do the right thing?
My daughter and I have always been close. I’ve always told her, “I’m not her friend, I’m her mom, and I take that title with pride”. She always loved my saying that (as well as my 13 yr old son). Of course my reason is friends come and go but your family/mom is not replaceable.
I have always raised my kids in church until 2 yrs ago. My brother died and I found out I had cancer. Although I beat it the first time around its back. I only mention the cancer because I’m afraid I put to much on her.
My story:
She is the sweetest young lady I know. So has touched so many lives with her smile, warm heart, and giving soul. About a year ago she turned into someone we do not no. She had sex with a boy and told me about it. She fell into a depression and I took her to the doctor. He said she was bi-polar and put her on Aderall. At first it helped. She still had baby fat so she lost that because of the medicine and thought she was the Queen of her castle. Her friends slowly started falling away from her and even asked to have an intervention. That helped for about a month but I learned my precious daughter turned in a master manipulator.
I’ve laid out the ground rules and stuck to them. Be home at a certain time, cell phone restriction (that one killed her so she bought a prepaid phone), chores, etc.

The problem seems to start about the time of the medicine. So I thought. We talked to the doctor and had it changed to no avail. One day I was driving and we were arguing because I told her no about something and she hit me. (I had her hair tested for drugs a couple days later but that was not the problem.
She has lied and tried to get me arrested for abuse. That didn’t work.
She started having her brother lie for her.
When all they things didn’t work she started with the name calling. I hate you, stay out of my life, leave me alone, you stupid Finb bi___, I wish you were dead, F you, etc. I think you get the picture.
I started calling the police but that didn’t do much good. They would just say she is almost 18 and hang in there.
She moved out Jan-mid March 2010 and I did not follow behind her. Tried playing the tough love game. It helped for a short time.
She went back to all of the above after about a month and added knocking me across the room twice to that. I called the police, she said I hit her, and that was that. I was told she could be worse.

My concern focused towards my son. I realize now I had to put my wing around him and try to see if I was to late. I was not.
I told my daughter she was going to go to a hospital and get some help or I was sending her to live with her dad in mississippi (600 miles away). After the last police call she did just that. About a month ago she went to MS and is now living with her grandparents.

I know I cannot put up with the disrespect and if we are as truly as close as I know we were I need to let her go but I would be lying to say I’m not 2nd guessing myself. She was enrolled in college to start here in Aug. I found out a couple days ago her grandmother enrolled her there and transferred all her paperwork.
I’m probably going through the typical cycle of departure and letting go. I know I will hurt. What I don’t know is should I went to these extremes to demand respect. She will be 18 in Aug and I guess I know her adult life will start there. Will I see her? Should I keep trying? The fews times we talked I caught her in one lie after another. She has never been around her dads family or him. She was 12 when she said, Mom, I want to meet them”. I let her go and she seen for herself why I left 18 yrs old. She has not wanted a relationship with them and bluntly said this was not what she wanted but in the same breath talked about me bad and said she was homeless.

I’ve had her and all of us in counseling for a long time. She does not hear what she wants and we find another. (total of 3 in 5 yrs) I have always believed in therapy or counseling because I know I’m not perfect and can learn something new everyday so the kids are not scared to talk openly to their guidance counselor or family therapist.

I love her and know God will take care of her but I guess I’m reaching out because I’m wanting to know if anyone has been through this? Was is hard? And how will this effect my daughter in her future? I think she feels I’ve given up on her. At least she’s told me that enough. Part of the manipulation probably. My son seems to be doing okay, he misses her but does not want her back.

Thank you in advance.

Best answer:

Answer by ∞infiniti∞
Don’t worry about your daughter. If you raised her right, and you did, she will be OK. Sometimes young people make mistakes, but that is just part of growing up. She will come around. Just give her time.

As the saying goes, “Raise your child right, and you have a friend for life”.

For now, concentrate on yourself and your son.

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