I DESPERATELY NEED Marriage Advice for two young people…please respect my honesty…?

Question by piinkzbra: I DESPERATELY NEED Marriage Advice for two young people…please respect my honesty…?
Here is my outpouring. Please don’t just answer with “get a divorce,” or “get counseling” because I need more than that. I met my husband in June 2008. He worked in the mall in the store across from mine. We were both 23. I was instantly (as was he) sexually attracted and exchanged numbers. The next day, we hung out and watched a movie and made out and he pressured me for sex but I said no. He smoked cigarettes and drank alcohol but knew I was straight-edge. We talked off and on, I flaked on him a few times and we ended up not talking again until maybe late late June 2008. He ended up getting arrested July 11 2008 and I was the first person he called. I instantly felt my heart break–there was something in him I needed and I truly cared about him. He was in jail for almost 3 months and we wrote eachother EVERY DAY. I visited him 2 days a week and would just sit outside the jail window when he didn’t have visits because I knew he could see me. He got out September 24th, and we (through the course of our letters and phone calls) became INSEPERABLE. He asked me to marry him and I said yes. We were married September 27th. When he got out, he said he wanted to change his life. No more smoking, drinking, he was continuing to stay off meth (he’d been clean for 9 months at the time) and now…we’re 7 months married, I’m 7 months pregnant, he’s smoking now, drinking alcohol, disappearing EVERY weekend and will NOT tell me where he is. He has relapsed with meth one time. I am not a saint in this. Because of my distrust, I look up his phone records, I go through his phone, even text strange numbers that he’s called late at night asking who it is. He lies about what friends’ house he’s going to be at, he tells me he’ll (for example) be home at 11pm on friday night and doesn’t come home until SUNDAY MORNING. I do not think he is cheating–he has my name tattooed on his neck and his wedding ring line is tanned on his hand. He swears he lives in the movie 8 Mile. He wants to be a rapper (he’s white…) so he (after he decided to FINALLY be honest about where he goes every weekend) goes and raps with his homeboys. He says he lies because he knows I’ll hate his friends but I tell him–I didn’t marry a rapper. I married a guy who was just as clingy as me. Not an alcohol drinking, smoking, lying, idiot that would leave me alone every weekend while I’m at home, 7 months pregnant. We have sex every couple of days and when I confronted him with my need to have sex daily (at the onset of marriage, we had sex three or four times a day) he says he’s “cool.” The truth came out when we argued in the car two nights ago: he told me to get in the backseat of his car and he was taking me to get some food at Sonic while he freestyled and drove with a 32 oz. Miller Highlife in his lap. I begged him not to drive drinking with me (and our unborn son) in the car plus he’s on probation so…but when we left Sonic and were sitting in a parking lot, I told him I wanted to sit in the passenger seat up front. So I got out and he started in on me because he thinks he doesn’t satisfy me sexually (which I NEVER said..just that we don’t do it enough.) and I said no, we don’t have sex at all. So he drove off and I was in this parking lot barefoot at 11pm. I didn’t know what to do–he sped over to me really quick and screamed out the window he was going to bring back “4 or 5 black guys to f**k (me) good” and then drove to the gas station nearby and stopped a guy presumably asking if he wanted to have sex with me. I started to walk to the grocery store to use the phone to call his sister and he came back and asked the grocery cart kid if he wanted to fuck his wife’s “loose sl*tty p*ssy.” Eventually, he told me to get back in the car and we came home and laid in bed. I got so mad I started talking so filthy to him and crying asking him how he could call his wife and the mother of his child a slut and comment on my body like he did and he said it was true. LONG STORY SHORT: my husband and I have physically fought once before, we are constantly emotionally abusing each other, but at the same time, he’ll come home with my name tattooed on his neck and I feel sick thinking of him not in my or our son’s life. How can I stop being so controlling and is my controlling behavior leading him to act like this? What can we do…? We aren’t trailer trash hicks but I swear I feel like it sometimes.
All these answers are so true…but it’s hard to hear the truth. I tell him every weekend, after he decides to answer his phone or text me back (I will literally call him hundreds of times) to kick rocks and get out. But…I can’t pay the rent by myself (sad but true) and the apartment is solely in my name. So…it’s just hard. I consider myself attractive (eventhough I’m hugely pregnant…gained like 60 pounds but have swore to lose it…I have ridiculous self-esteem now lol) and deserve to want to be touched and kissed and sexually desired. I’m scared now that I will have our son and get back in shape and cheat on him. Very afraid of that. But who wants a single mom? lol

Best answer:

Answer by its likely i will say douche bag
wow, I would have to say, ask jerry springer.

he needs to get off the dope before the two of you can work on your relationship.

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