I am unsure about feelings for my husband in jail. I met someone else Id like to pursue. What do you think?

Question by Leslie: I am unsure about feelings for my husband in jail. I met someone else Id like to pursue. What do you think?
My husband and I have been together 6.5 years, married for 5 and have 3 beautiful children. We have been through A LOT over the years. Before we were married he cheated on me. (yes I should have left then), He has an alcohol addiction, got in trouble and is now dealing with almost a year jailtime for touching his sister in her private area when she was 15 and he was 23. He was removed from our home last october and there is an order of protection for the kids. CPS made ME the supervisor for visits but hes not allowed home.

He is a corrupt person who will lie, and steal to get what he wants. He is selfish when it comes to me and the kids, his needs always come first. He smokes cigarettes and I hate when he lights one up in the house, I feel disrespected by him. A few times has gone out with his friends and done cocaine which pisses me off, because its irresponsible and stupid.
I have had a heart problem for 3.5 years now and a lot of anxiety that he downplays and says im nuts and need to just get medication and be done with it.

hes ruined my credit, and made me feel like I can just settle in life (basement mentality) and I was NEVER like that.

I cant think of any pros on why I am totally in love with him except, hes attractive, I can be myself with him, and… well… I dont know. I know he loves our children, but now I am dealing with a sex offender and I would be wondering even after his treatment if our kids are next.

My friends cant stand him, my family thinks hes lazy and irresponsible.

But me, I am always looking for ways to defend him even though i know what hes doing is wrong, I was abused for years as a teenager so I know a lot of the reason I cling to him is out of fear, and trying to fill a void i lost when i was abused.

For a year I have been caring for the kids by myself, basically making money and taking care of our home and all that i need to do for a family, minus the husband. I am doing fine. I miss the companionship of a relationship. I miss it a lot. I feel like if i broke up with my husband he would just give up and not even try to make it right. And that bothers me, because through all the shit when I wanted to leave him, I always ran right back because of that sick pit in my stomach that I dont want to be alone or give up the fanstasy that he will be perfect. SOMEDAY.

So now hes in jail. Telling me things will be soo different when he gets out in 8 months. He recognizes all these things I said above…he tells me how much he has taken our life for granted and to hang on to US.

The thing is.. I met someone i really like. And I have told my husband about this, I told him I just cant make a decision right now, but a few times i went back and forth saying ill be faithful and then saying i cant be.

I feel like a horrible person for making my husband suffer in jail worrying about me.
I slept with the new guy 3 times. He is amazing. Ive only known him 2 weeks, but we went to HS together so i know of him. But I just feel amazing with him and I look forward to doing all the things with him, that my husband didnt want to do, and I feel like I deserve to do what I want for once and be happy.

I have never cheated on my husband before, and I want to break it off, (which we SORT of did a little while ago) I dont think its fair to hang on to my husband lying to him and having him think were perfect when were not. Id rather get a legal separation and then when he gets out of jail see what happens.

I am confused about what I want. I dont want to be alone.. I need advice. what do you all think?
Let me add that. My husband knows i slept with this person. We have been separated for a year now. And, I have not and will not introduce this new person to my children until I know if its going to go somewhere which may take months. I am not interested in Just getting laid, but everyone has needs.

I am not saying I feel good about cheating on my husband BUT I can say I was honest with him about it and have been honest about the man I met since the start.

I am having trouble trying to figure out if I still love my husband, I am very confused and I dont need people telling me I am a selfish bitch, because I understand that. My husband has been a selfish ASS for 6 years when I have ALWAYS BEEN there for him. Then he cant follow his probation rules because of his own selfishness and ends up being taken away from his family.

Best answer:

Answer by waiting4something
u need to divorce your husband its hard when time has been invested & u love him blah blah blah u listed so many negatives about this guy why u still with him hes a child molester for crying out loud as a mother your decisions are no longer about u they

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