How You Can Help Abuse Victims
Now here’s a tricky topic if I ever heard one. How can you, a person outside of your loved one’s abusive relationship, help her in any way?
Is it possible to make her abuser behave differently? Nope. Is it possible to get her out of that situation?! Not without her consent. Is it possible to convince her she’s being abused? Maybe, but until she’s unwilling to put up with it anymore, she is willing to live with it and must therefore live with the consequences of her decision.
As you’re probably already aware, sometimes she knows and says that there’s something wrong. Sometimes she’ll even want to leave her abuser and come to you for help. But how many times has she asked for your help and then turned it down at the last minute? Or done what you’ve advised but come back angry at YOU for suggesting it? Or made an excuse for her abuser saying that you can’t possibly understand how much he loves her or she loves him?
Remember that the only one who can end the abuse is the victim of the abuse. You cannot help her with that in any way. She must do it for herself.
First, Take Care of Yourself!
Helping an abuse victim can be hazardous to your own health. The more often you “help”, the more frequently she returns. The more often she returns, the more helpless and even used you may feel.
Sometimes by helping the victim of abuse, you invite her abuser into your life. Do you want to deal with an abuser in your life?! We abuse victims do not intentionally take advantage of those of you who love us and want to help us. But it happens. How many times have you felt used by the victim you’re trying to help?
The best thing you can do for an abuse victim is take care of yourself. Make sure you are leading a healthy life. Start by setting some personal boundaries to help you deal with your beloved abuse victim. After you’ve insulated yourself from the negative energies created by abuse, then think about other ways you can help without drawing the abuse to you.
Second, Help The Victim
Listen to her vent without offering solutions. This will be hard. You will want to tell her what to do because she seems so confused, ill-informed, or lost. Keep your mouth shut. That’s what listening means.
Tell her you think she’s being abused. Give her a pamphlet or show her a web site. Tell her you’re concerned, be honest about your fears. Don’t argue with her if she says you’re crazy. Just smile and say, “Maybe I am.”
Keep the number for domestic abuse hotlines handy. You can call the hotline to get answers to help you deal with her situation, to vent about how helpless or angry you feel, and to speak to someone who really knows what they’re talking about when it comes to abusive situation. You could also call for her if she comes over and doesn’t know what to do.
If she devises her own plan to deal with abuse, then help if she asks. Help if and only if you’re willing to do what she’s asking you to do! Don’t say you will but harbor resentment for it. If you think you’ll be resentful, tell her no, but help her to find a different solution if you want.
Do your very best not to judge her. She is not stupid or insane; if anything, she may be “brainwashed” by her abuser and/or suffer under the cumulative side-effects of abuse. As much as she believes you, she disbelieves in herself. There is a way out, but she has to be the one to start looking for it.
Kellie Jo Holly lived with her verbally, emotionally, mentally and four-time physically abusive husband for 18 years. She separated from him in January 2009, but their relationship is not over due to their two children. She’s hoping that one day her husband will admit to his use of manipulation and overcome it. Until then, she writes her story is for you in hopes that you’ll recognize your abuser before you get in too deep at Verbal Abuse Journals and her accompanying blog “My Abusive Marriage”. Find the help, hope, and resources you need to overcome the misery abusive relationships cause.
Article Source:
http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kellie_Holly
God Help the Animals – WARNING: Images of animal abuse may be disterbing to some viewers. Note: Bring awareness to animal abuse help to stop it. Help stop these images of animal abuse from becoming real. Credits\Info\Disclaimer: Song is ‘God Help the Outcasts’, Sung by YaoiVamp, Pictures are from google and are owned by their original owners.
Cork man jailed for rape and sexual abuse of daughter
Filed under: abuse help
Ms Mulvey said the abuse had a bad affect on her relationship with her mother and sister but that their support since she told them about the abuse has given her courage. She told the court her father would frighten any boyfriends away and she wondered …
Read more on Irish Examiner
Local couple have 1st day in court on animal abuse charges
Filed under: abuse help
The next day, Woltz obtained a search warrant and returned to the residence. Members of the SPCA and the Appalachian Horse Help and Rescue removed sickly looking animals from the residence. "These animals were abused, yes," Woltz said.
Read more on Williamsport Sun-Gazette
2 American women rescue 11 Japan waifs in 1959, spurring a lifetime of …
Filed under: abuse help
Childhelp operates child-advocacy centers in Arizona, Colorado, Tennessee and Virginia, places where child-welfare caseworkers, child-crime detectives, pediatricians and therapists team up to help victims of abuse and neglect.
Read more on Arizona Republic
[wprebay kw=”abuse+help” num=”2″ ebcat=”-1″] [wprebay kw=”abuse+help” num=”3″ ebcat=”-1″] [wprebay kw=”abuse+help” num=”4″ ebcat=”-1″]
Find More Abuse Help Information…