How would you handle the Monster-in-Law?

Question by Loren: How would you handle the Monster-in-Law?
Here is a little back round –

My husband and his mother have never had a healthy relationship. When he was younger she was a drug addict and prostitute. The woman has never worked a legitimate job a day in her life, her children were in and out of foster care their whole lives and she has used government assistance for over 20 years as an income.

My husband and I have been together for 4 years. Most of our “rough” times were due to his mom’s manipulative behavior. She will lie, cheat or deceive anyone to get her way. She never thinks there is anything wrong with her, everyone else. Long story short, my husband stopped speaking to her in October 08′, his mom moved to Texas in April 08′. We changed our phone numbers and bought a home. Recently, his little sister came to us for help. His sister was left here when her mom moved away, she was eventually sent to Texas to be with her mom. His sister emailed me looking for somewhere to go, she had gotten pregnant and wanted a better place to live and create a life for her baby. (She got pregnant by prositution in Texas) My husband and I decided that we would help her. We have helped her in the past, so we were on edge. I guess it was not a big surprise that she did not last longer then 3 days. Her idea of looking for a job was actually soliciting herself online.

Anyway, that was close to 3 months ago. To be honest, I was expecting contact from his mom a lot sooner. Now that the contact has started, we are at a loss as to what to do. Before his sister came she had no idea what our phone numbers were or where we lived. I am almost beginning to think that his sister “wanted help” just to get information.

Over the weekend his mom started texting “Are you ever going to talk to me?” and calling, leaving no message. We just do not know what to do. Don’t you think at some point she would get that her son does not want a relationship with her? Previously we have had to get the police involved when she would not stop calling my husband’s job. So far we have ignored all contact for 18 months. What would you do?

Best answer:

Answer by William
After all you two have been through, you know what to do. You are both just too nice of people to do it. Remember, this is just my opinion, but if the woman in question is not actively trying to become a good person AVOID HER AT ALL COSTS. She is right now (from your last paragraph), trying to contact you to USE both of you for something, could be anything physical or mental.

It doesn’t matter who the person is, that kind of behavior will only have negative effects on you and your family. Avoid it at all costs, and breathe the fresh air.

You should feel no regret from protecting your family from that kind of evil (I’ve had one such person in my life and ignoring them completely helped them more than any of the countless years of talking and logic. The person has issues that they have to sort out themselves and NO other person can help the person, except by alienating them and MAKING them THINK about WHY.)

She is obviously trying very hard to get a hold of you two. THINK: Why? You are both, in her mind, the easiest to manipulate. Either that, or you are the last ones left to alienate them so that they can ponder why they are alone and why they need to change.

Make the move! If you REALLY want to help her: Ignore her and make her learn. And NEVER believe what she says (you’ve already stated that her words can’t be trusted), she has to show you both through ACTIONS (not words!), that she has changed.

I am sorry to admit that these people, sometimes, never change! But very often, when the person is completely alienated, they either cease to exist, or they change. So far the person in question in your situation has only adapted to the environment to get what they want because the people in her environment are ALLOWING her to do so.

Please think for your husband’s mothers’ sake. Do what is right and help her in the long run. Don’t buy into her bullshit.

Remember always: Her ‘credit’ for her words is way passed maxed out. She has to do actions that prove she is changed to be apart of your wonderful family! And even then you have to be VERY careful!

Stand up for what you believe in and die fighting for it!

Good luck!

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