How to Be Supportive of a Mate Who Has Been Sexually Abused or Assaulted

finds this behavior distasteful, find as many ways as possible to be polite, gentle and respectful.

6. Love your mate unconditionally. Remember trust and intimacy can be very difficult for a person who has been sexually abused. There is no need for you to be a doormat if your mate lashes out at you, or pushes you away. Just explain you love them very, very much -but that you have no intentions of being mistreated.

If you have to distance yourself from your mate temporarily, do it with a tremendous amount of love, not as if you are punishing them for being mean. For instance, gently squeeze their hand and make eye contact before leaving to go for a long drive to cool off. Give your mate space, and allow them to come back to you. Let it be on their terms, because they don’t want to feel like you are “forcing” them to do anything. Send them the non-verbal message you will always love them and you will always be there, and you should find the behavior happening less and less often.

Sexual abuse not only affects the victim and the perpetrator, but everyone who has a relationship with the person who is abused. The reason why we are so attracted to our mates is because we can see what strong, charming, beautiful and amazing people they are, despite what happened to them in the past.

We feel inspired by our mates, and wonder how they even have the courage to love. We question if we would have the same courage, had the same thing happened to us. Therefore, we love them, adore them, and do everything in our power to let our mates know that they are safe, cared for and protected. In turn, we become a better person. We strive harder than a person who is in a “normal” relationship to be gentle, kind and respectful. We learn patience, perseverance and understanding – all for the sake of love. And this love transforms both our mate and our self.

In closing, here are some ways you and your mate can share your experience, strength and hope with other people in the world who are hurting. And at the same time, you will form a deeper bond with your mate, heal the effects of sexual abuse, and make the world a better place:

1. Volunteer for organizations that take a proactive stance against sexual abuse and assault. For instance, protect children’s rights by being their advocate in court hearings.

2. Send an anonymous donation to a non-profit dedicated to healing the effects of sexual abuse. If such an organization doesn’t exist, create one!

3. Volunteer to take calls at a crisis center / hotline.

4. Join either an online community or a brick and mortar one to congregate with other people who know exactly what you are going through, and who have the same resolve to do something about turning the negative experience into a positive one.

A great way to reclaim your personal power and to not feel so helpless about what has happened to you or your mate is to do something in a positive direction to prevent the abuse that is happening right now in the lives of millions on a daily basis.

Let the horrific experience of sexual abuse, both directly and indirectly, transform you and your mate into powerful heroes, not helpless victims.

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