How do I support my boyfriend with his new found sobriety?
Question by Ling: How do I support my boyfriend with his new found sobriety?
I am 26 and he is 25. We have been dating for 2 years and living together for just about 9 months.
He has always been an active drinker and had a high tolerance for alcohol. Until he reached “that point”. We have/had a very active social life, we are very close friends with a metal band, we don’t do drugs, he brewed his own beer and drank at least once a day, but he really let loose on the weekends. When he reached “that point” he became rude, and belligerent, and a terrible person. He was NEVER violent towards me or other people. Just unpleasant and embarrassing.
A few weeks ago, he got ridiculously drunk with a buddy and got kicked out of a bar. He, of course, thought he was being kicked out for no reason so he punched out the window. He ended up with 26 stitches and a night in jail.
He’s made the choice, completely on his own, to not drink. I don’t know if he’s giving himself time before having a casual drink again or if he’s done for good. I don’t think he knows for sure either but he told me that since he decided to not drink it’s obvious that he recognizes the severity.
I’m wondering how to support him during this new sobriety?
* I’ve bought juice in soda-type cans so that when we have company over it “feels” like he’s drinking.
* I don’t drink when we go out together.
* Our close friends understand that he’s not drinking and are understanding and trying to be supportive for him.
* I haven’t pressured him to talk about anything booze related.
It’s weird that, although he quit drinking because his personality was being defined by his drinking, now that he’s not drinking I’m not as comfortable with his personality as I was before. It feels like he’s not quite a stranger but almost.
I’m also wondering if people going through “addiction withdrawal” have an altered sex life? Is he picking up on my unease with the “new” him? Is he afraid of “performing” as the “new” him? What can I do to support him in this aspect as well?
He is not an “AA” type person. Nor will he be at all interested in therapy of any sort. I won’t be hurt or insulted if he decides to drink once in awhile but I want to make sure that I do everything possible to support him to be the best he can be.
Best answer:
Answer by Katlady
Well, he should stay away from “people, places, and things” according to AA. Going out to clubs may be out for now, too tempting. Also, people with drinking problems usually can’t just quit, he should go to AA cuz not only will it keep him sober, but it will help with the other issues he has. I wouldn’t think that your sex life would be affected. You sound like you are doing just fine with all your support. good luck.
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