Hey someone like to read and give feed back?

Question by eliz~A~capo: Hey someone like to read and give feed back?
She held her mouth closed for dear life. If the man that had been chasing her through the woods found her, her fate would be death. She hid behind what she thought to be a tree, but through the pitch dark it was hard to tell. She could’nt remember what happened, or how she ended up in a forest.She had know idea why that strange man was chasing her, but the fear in her heart was definite. “Oh Allie”, she heard the strange man call from afar. She thought to herself ‘How could he know me? I’ve never said a word to him before.’ She began to weep as she thought about how long he might have been watching her. Through a window in her house, at her work; who knows how long he could have been wanting this moment.

Allie stopped crying.She realized at that moment she would be strong and conquer her fear. She slowly stood up from behind the tree figure.She slipped off her flipflops knowing that they would just slow her down.Allie ran.She never looked back even for a moment. She screamed hysterically “Help!Help!Anyone,help!”. She found a road. She finally felt safe, but now was not the time to quit. Her feet hit the pavement.Allie ran faster then she could. She could see nothing but dark and before she knew it she was dangling off a cliff.Allie knew her fate.

Allie woke up, but her dream wasn’t over yet.She was drentched in sweat hanging from the window sill of her apartment.Allie found that she had been sleep walking.She was paralyzed with fear even though there was nothing to fear.Allie’s sweaty palms slipped away from the window sill. Letting out a small shriek, she realized her fate would surely come true. Her feet hit the ground two feet below her and she landed in the grass.

‘Another sleepless night.’ she thought to herself as she crossed the street.Allie looked down and noticed all the cracks in the road.She smiled and realized that at least her life wasn’t that street,cracked and in shambles.She took a sip of her coffee and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes.She kept her eyes closed for a few seconds.Everything was perfect.Allie had her rut.Even though most people would think of a rut as boring,Allie felt that the walls of this deep rut protected her.She opened her eyes and fell to the ground.She saw the man from her dreams taunt her.”Oh, Allie.” he called with a smile on his face.He was holding her by the shoulders.”Getaway,Getaway from me!”, she yelped.He pulled out his pocket knife and smiled as he pushed her against a telephone pole.”Miss, are you okay?Miss, wake up.” said the taxicab driver.She held her head ,still hazed in confusion, and said,”What happened?Where am I?”

“Well,you told me to take you to Elmer road-” “Thank-you, kind sir I remember now. Here is the fair. Keep the change.” He smiled as he noticed the ten dollar tip. “No, thank-you.” he said with that grim smile on his face.She closed the taxi door trying to remember where she had seen that smile before.She began to sweat.Tears streamed from her face.”You!”, she screamed as the taxi started to pull away.Her coat was caught in the door.”No! No! Why is this happening to me?”she questioned herself.She slammed her purse against the cab as it dragged her.She woke up grasping for air.She understood completely what was going on.This had to be reality.”Ma’m, it’s okay I won’t let anything happen to you.” the kind nurse said holding Allie in her gentle arms.She was in Glory hospital.They had done many test on her before, trying to find out what was wrong with her.

“So, are you any closer to finding out what exactly is wrong with me?” Allie said to Dr. Kindley.”Well, we’ve ruled out everything.Mental and physical health seems to be fine.I know that I have asked you this many times before, but are you on any type of medication?”Allie answered without any hesitation, “No,except for the occasional Tylenol.” “Well, I’m sorry Allie but the truth is that you are wasting your money and time.I’m going to recommend my pschologist to you maybe he’ll find something that was looked over.” Allie rolled her eyes and hesitantly took the card Dr. Kindley had taken out of his pocket.
“Hey Kairie. I’m going to have to take the day off.” Allie said into her cellphone while walking away from her apartment door.”That’s fine.Is there something wrong?Are you sick?” “No, I’ll be fine. I just need to take another one of those test.” “Oh, well sure take the day off; I hope they find something this time.” “Yea me too.” she closed her cellphone and rolled her eyes.She was still upset from last night.Allie had fought with her husband again.She was fine except for the blackeye that hid behind her concealer.Allie stopped at the corner and waited as the carswent by.She looked down at the card she had been fiddling with in her hand.She read the address to herself, “1221 Elmer road Starling city, Louisiana 70510.” The address sounded so familiar to her like she had been there before.She looked up from her handto the street sign.She realized that she was twelve bloc

Best answer:

Answer by BeautyBlitz
You’ve included two of my biggest literary pet peeves.

You start your story with your main character running away from some kind of threat and then it turns out to be a dream.

You also need to watch your grammar.

She had know idea why that strange man was chasing her, but the fear in her heart was definite.

KNOW should be NO. Also, dialogue is always a new paragraph unless the same character continues to speak after a short break.

What do you think? Answer below!