Has anyone else noticed a grandma/ MIL “detox” period w/ your child or SO?(kinda long, sorry)?
Question by cougar2342: Has anyone else noticed a grandma/ MIL “detox” period w/ your child or SO?(kinda long, sorry)?
I have noticed this more w/ my SO than my child. My MIL enables my SO and the 2 of them act more like spouses to each other than son and mother(FIL is and has been in the picture my husbands whole life too). MIL says she only gives him x dollars a week, however he is some how able to afford things that would go above and beyond that amount a week. I am not happy about him not working a consistant job and making his own money rather than depending on his mother. I had a job up until 2 years ago when I had our child, and have been looking desperately for a job ever since w/o sucess. However, MIL seems to think I should be providing for myself and my children all by myself, w/ no help from my DH AT ALL, as well as I am supposed to do this w/ no childcare as well. Meanwhile my DH is supposed to do what ever he wants, and let her pay all of our bills(which she might pay on time, or not pay at all, and never tell us until it almost goes to collections or is cancelled and we get a notice-I told my husband I would pay the bills if he would give me the money to do it, however he decided that wasn’t a good idea, and wouldnt let me do it).
What is annoying to me is that he gets especially whiny/slackish/bratish/childlike/lazy/etc. after having any contact w/ MIL that lasts more than 5 minutes, to the point I can tell if he has spoken to her when I am not around b/c of his actions(I know that it is his contact w/ her and nothing else b/c he only acts this particular way after interaction w/ her and no other time). If he hasn’t really talked to her or seen her/ had any interaction really w/ her in a few days, he starts to act like a grown man should(he will find or try to find some kind of job, act like an adult, etc.). It is like he is quite literally “detoxing” from her influence. This is not a new thing, and was worse when we lived w/ them(we haven’t for some time now).
I have severely limited the time my child spends w/ my MIL b/c he becomes excessively whiny/braty and acts up more after coming back from grandma’s. This is a child who is ordinarly extremely well behaved, and very calm and loving. He has also started saying things/doing things I nor my husband say or do, and he isn’t really around anyone out side of us and the rare visits w/ MIL, and I have noticed them more almost exclusively when he has spent time w/ MIL, which really makes me wonder about what they do while he is there.
I was just wondering if anyone has noticed this, and what you did to handle it? MIL and FIL do not live far from us, and I am hoping to change that as soon as we can as I think that will help immensely esp. w/ DH.
Actually, we moved and then they moved into our neighborhood w/o telling us until literally the week of when they wanted us to help them move. By the time we found out, there was no way for us to just move.
Best answer:
Answer by Jami K
I think it might be time to say goodbye to MIL at least for a while. You really are in a sticky situation. Perhaps SO and you should try counseling. Not good to have a control freak MIL who obviously cares nothing for you. If SO does not recognize this (how old IS he?) then perhaps you are better off w/o him also. Good luck
Give your answer to this question below!