God and Your Relationship Space – 3 Doesn’t Have to be a Crowd
God and Your Relationship Space – 3 Doesn’t Have to be a Crowd
Those first glorious moments of spiritual or religious awakening can be huge. As we begin to open and seek our true “selves” we start to ask questions such as “who am I?” or “why am I here?”. The first experience that connects you to your inner self is one of the most, or maybe best of your life and it’s only natural you want to share it. You find yourself reviewing jobs, friends, values, beliefs and your relationship tends to come under the spotlight very quickly because often your dear heart is the first to be affected by the chrysalis of the “new me” starting to form.
The changes however can often cause us to fall out of sync with our partner resulting in conflict and a new attitude of “but my way is a better way for both of us darling”. The one who is awakening can become spiritually egoistic and develop a bad case of spiritual righteousness and will try to drag their partner to all sorts of events and meditation groups in an effort to “help” them find God among the incense and “Om”ing and tell them what to eat to raise “their vibration” to a higher level. It is no wonder then that many partners want to *** off eventually !
As an educator, I see many couples with the “dragger and draggee” disease often manifesting as a tiring tug o’ war game. Generally, but not exclusively, the awakened ones happen to be the women who get terribly distressed because after a weekend retreat or workshop, for example, hubby is not ready to brim over with the same excitement and enthusiasm that their inner journey has cleared out another morsel of their emotional closet. “My needs are not being met”, “I don’t feel heard”, “He just doesn’t get it” are some of the clichéd words I often hear and at some level they believe their partner is frequently resisting the urge to phone the nearest rehab clinic which makes them feel like a freak. Not easy.
I have a dear friend who was persuaded by her husband to go to the doctor because he believed there was something radically wrong with her and she obviously needed pills! It may sound funny but it can become a matter of psycho analysis that can drive both parties nuts as a gradual erosion of what was a generally happy and content relationship, takes place as the newly God filled person races ahead.
At this point I would offer that, in terms of my own personal experience in spiritual awakening, that “it” or God, if you will, chose me not the other way around. I believe we don’t’ have a choice in awakening. You can choose kicking or screaming as the route or the let go and surrender one. Often we bounce between the two dragging our partner by the hair. Ouch!
7 years ago my dear dad passed and with that deep experience came a very natural and effortless meeting of people, courses, books that would create my future. I have loved and agonised over my spiritual development but somewhere deep in me that requires no understanding is a truth that this is exactly where I want to be beyond all things and even relationships with people in general. I believe I am at consequence to a greater force and going with the flow through whatever comes is the easiest route…although it takes practise!
Where I am today is undoubtedly the happiest and most content place so far on “my path”. Has my growth affected my relationships? You bet. Every time. I have been in more than a couple of relationships since I “woke up” which I feel now to be learning grounds, not regrets. In the background I was being propelled along by somewhat unconscious forces, meeting lots of people, reading and qualifying at various complimentary therapies and in the middle of it all was still having trouble in my love life but making the excuse that “well he’s not as spiritual as me, so no wonder this relationship isn’t working” as a way to explain my failing partnerships. I thought I knew better than them and indeed perhaps yes growth rates were different, but different to what?
Many times I have heard “we are all spiritual beings having a human experience” so none of us can claim to be more spiritual than the other really if that story has any grain of truth. But it is so easy to fall into a trap of judging the rights and wrongs of others based on what you believe to be the truth or the right way of life. When we judge from a perceived religious or spiritual angle it is just as harmful as judging about anything else. Don’t forget that truly God like people radiate endless love, compassion and understanding. They rarely judge. They are humble and don’t feel the need to preach or convert the unwashed.
Symbiotic relationships are those that function on great attachment and a feeling of needing the other to fulfil happiness and desires. These relationships can suffer the greatest casualties when one partner starts to understand that happiness does come from within first and the other person wonders what the heck has become of their once needy and
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