Excuses People Use When They’re Cheating On You

Excuses People Use When They’re Cheating On You

I often have women email me with excuses that their husbands and boyfriends have been giving them which have been setting of little alarms in their head.  The women will ask if the explanation can be believed or if it is a common excuse that men give when they are cheating or having an affair.  There are many common “cheating excuses” – some simple and some very elaborate – that men will offer up to distract from their suspicious behavior. But, I often tell women that it’s actually the frequency with which the excuses come that will tell the tale. 

Sure, people have to work over time every now and again. Of course, the car is going to break down sometimes.  Cell phones get lost, certainly.  But, if you find that a combination of these things are happening quite often when things used to be quite predicable, you may want to keep a keen eye out.  Below, I’ll list some of the common excuses that men will often give you when they are cheating.  Again, when taken by themselves, they may well be true.  But, when you see them in combination or with alarming frequency, it’s better to take notice than to ignore it.

The Emergency Excuse: Men who cheat are often late or absent.  Or, you’ll have plans and they’ll forget or stand you up, but then they’ll pretend that something unforeseen came up from which they just couldn’t tear themselves away.  These includes things like an emergency work project or overtime, a demanding client, or “fires to put out.”  Sometimes, the emergency will be with their family (the sick mom, sibling, or aunt.)  Other times, the emergency relates to their belongings or their route or something that prevented them from making it. Their car broke down. The elevator was stuck.  There was an accident on the freeway.  Again, these things happen every day and if you hear these things occasionally, they could be factual.  But, if you notice a lot of emergencies all of a sudden, this often brings about some concern.

The “We’re Comfortable” Reassurance:  Often, when a man is cheating, his wife or girlfriend will feel a distance or chill.  He doesn’t look at you the same way anymore. The passion isn’t there.  His eyes no longer light up when he sees you.  You can’t help but notice these things, but when you ask about them, he’ll say things like “well, we’ve been together a while and we’re comfortable now.  No one has passion forever,” or “it’s unrealistic to think that the passion will stay the same all the time.”  These things can be true.  But, even couples who are married for a long time and are still in love still light up when their spouse walks into the room.  Again, often this is just an “off” feeling that you get that when combined with other non sensible excuses gives you pause.

The “I’m Under A Lot Of Stress” Explanation: Often a man will try to call you off of the scent by trying to make you feel guilty about even asking.  He’ll become angry and tell you that his lack of attention is the result of his being under a great deal of stress and that you’re adding to it by all these questions.  Now, innocent people do sometimes become angry when they are wrongly accused so keep this in mind and ask yourself if you can pinpoint other things that send off alarms.

The “You’re Paranoid” Excuse: Often when a man is guilty, he will try to shift the attention back to you and make it your fault.  He’ll tell you that you have an over active imagination or that you’re trying to find things that just don’t exist.  He’ll tell you that you’re insecure and that you’re seeing things that just aren’t there.  You’ll have to evaluate these accusations for yourself, but if your gut keeps insisting that something is wrong, don’t let him make you doubt yourself.  At the very least, vow to keep your eyes open, even if you are the only one who knows that you are doing it.

I was in this same situation a short time ago. My heart knew that he was cheating, but my head didn’t want to acknowledge it. But after thinking on it for a long time, I decided that I really wanted to know the truth, no matter what that truth was. I learned how to get concrete information and proof that my husband thought that he had hid and erased. Once I presented this to him, he had no choice but to come clean. You can read my very personal story at http://catch-the-cheating.com/