Chicks I Would Never Let Sit on My Patio Set

Lets just be honest here for a second. There are some chicks out there that no matter how famous they are I would never invite them over to hang out on my patio set. Most of these chicks have been around the block, as they say, and could spread some sort of viral infection or disease, who knows. Without further ado, here is a list of chicks I would never let sit on my patio set.

Fergie

I really can not fathom how some people find this woman attractive. When they glam her up and give her tons of makeup and appropriate lighting she can look OK, but as soon as she changes into normal clothes, doesn’t have the magic of the studio to help her out, she be looking rough, buddy. Like, borderline tranny rough. Like, obviously a former meth addict rough. I can sympathize with the recent rumors of her husband cheating on her, cause, really, can you blame him? This is the chick that admitted to soiling herself onstage during a concert.

Jenna Jameson

This chick has really gone downhill lately. I was never a fan of her, the fake blonde look was never my type, but some people really liked her and honestly, at her peak, I could see the appeal. Today she is a shell of her former self, less human and more plastic. Her face and body look like they were genetically engineered in a factory. Her marriage to UFC fighter Tito Ortiz isn’t helping her image at all either, neither was her starring roll in the 2008 movie “Zombie Strippers.” Yes, I said “Zombie Strippers.”

Lindsey Lohan

Another woman that, at her peak, was a really adorable chick, but has really hit rock bottom lately with her predilection for cheap blow and her aversion to monogamy. At her infamous peak, there seemed to be a new unflattering picture or hook-up story about Lohan every week in the tabloids which is why I would be hesitant to invite her over to chill on my patio set.

Alan McGee is a freelance writer from MN.

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