Can you help edit my “Statement Of Facts” or give me your opinions/critiques/etc.?
Question by Kastin: Can you help edit my “Statement Of Facts” or give me your opinions/critiques/etc.?
I don’t know if I say too much, if I am missing something, how to end it, if I spelled everything correctly (no spell checker), if I used the correct punctuation, or even if I make sense. Please help!? Thank you for taking out the time to even click on my post. I expect to be torn into by you guys, so bring it on! This was harder for me than I thought and my mom has been putting on the pressure to get it to her… Here it is, let me know…
On _____, 2009 my boyfriend and I were nearing the Mission Gorge Rd. exit on the N. 125, when we decided to stop by Mary’s Donuts. At around 10pm, we pulled into the donut shop parking lot and parked the truck on the south side of the building in the space second from the right. My boyfriend, David, got out of the truck, went inside, and grabbed us (each) our usual cup of hot chocolate. There is a car wash located southeast of Mary’s Donuts (in the same parking lot) that has a half of a dozen trash bins placed out for the customers. Many people (customers of the car wash, homeless, etc.) frequent these bins for the interesting finds and/or recyclables. Dave is one of those people. And after bringing me my hot chocolate, he headed for the bins. After about five minutes, i got out of the truck to get my boyfriend some kind of bag or box (I could tell by the time it was taking him that he was finding things he wanted to keep). I was looking behind the seat when I noticed someone out of corner of my eye. I looked up to see Eduardo standing in front of the truck. Eduardo has been employed as a baker for Mary’s Donuts for quite sometime and I assume, was taking a break. Because I have a hard time hearing and/or understanding him, I began to walk toward him as he took a step or two toward me. The first thing out of his mouth was, “Where’s your husband?”. I motioned toward the car wash, where we could both see Dave with his head buried inside one of the bins. Embarrassed, I shrugged my shoulders while putting my arms up as if to say, “I don’t know?”, or, “Don’t ask me!?”. It was then that Eduardo moved toward me saying, “Hi! How are you?”, while putting his arms around me, pulling me in (bringing only my upper torso against his), and then kissing me on my neck. My hair was in front of my shoulders and kind of between his lips and my neck. I could still feel his lips, but the worst part of it was the fact that my hair made his breath echo into my ear. I did not like it. I don’t remember what I’d said after that, or if he had said anything to me. I was in shock and did not know what had just happened enough to know how to react to it.
Best answer:
Answer by Margaret
I am not exactly sure what is going on, but your spelling looks ok. You might want to recheck your grammar and punctuation. For example I think line 10 where you have And as the starting sentence you should just add that to the sentence beginning with Dave. Sorry, I can not be much help, but I have to admit the whole thing is just a little bit confusing to me. You might want to try this source/link http://studentoffortune.com/?nowhere89 they should be able to help you.
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