Before You Meet Your Online Date
Before You Meet Your Online Date
When you use Internet dating sites, you increase your opportunities to meet someone a hundred fold. If you are tech savvy or young, you probably already know this. Lots of people know how to navigate their way through the web and make use of this venue to expand their social networking. If you have not found your way into Internet dating, you would be wise to talk to others who have made use of this pathway. You need to learn the techniques, tools, websites, language, and safety measures that are necessary for your success.
But whether you are new to this resource, or a seasoned pro, you may want to stop and think about the following points. Here are five important questions to ask yourself before you set up a meeting with your new online interest. Before you meet for your first date:
What drew you to this person’s profile?
Carefully think about this question. Often, we are attracted to some of the same characteristics, over and over, that people manifest in their words and expressions, yet we remain unconscious of the patterns. What exactly was in the profile that resonated with you? For instance, are you habitually attracted to “bad boys” (or “wild girls”)? Do you look for someone who seems needy, lonely, or has a sad past? Or are you drawn to people who are commitment phoebes? If you continually find yourself with another abusive, addictive, needy, or controlling person, look to see if any of those repeating characteristics are evident in this person’s profile. You can then make a list of your deal-breaker requirements and clear your mind and heart about what kind of person you want to date. Becoming conscious of what you want and don’t want helps you make better choices. And if you do find yourself with the wrong person for you, don’t prolong the inevitable. End it quickly – with grace.
Are you truly serious about wanting to meet someone?
Online relationships and conversations, when you are anonymous, can be so easy; so non-threatening; and glib. You can suffer from the illusion that you are busy connecting with people, when, in fact, you could be using this service for the opposite reasons – which are – to stay away from a relationship. So before you set up that first date with someone, think about whether you are really serious about wanting to meet – or do you just enjoy the anonymous repartee? Many people either don’t show up – or, they go for one date and the relationship is officially over, and they’re back online flirting.
Do you have time for a dating relationship?
Some people’s lives are so work intensive, they cannot squeeze another second of activity into it. They honestly want to believe they are going to find time to date – soon – but so far, they can’t work it in. Sometimes at the end of a very long day, they will plop down with their computer and find a potential date to talk to. But if they were rational about when they would find time to see the person, they would stop and ask themselves: when is my life going to change? Before you meet someone, you want to look at the simple facts of how, when, and where am I going to have time to date this person? What can I do to the next week, or month, or year to make sure I have some TIME built into my schedule that allows for a social life?
Is your life ready to meet someone?
Ahh – this is always the tricky question because no one ever has their life totally together. But it helps to have some goals in place and it’s especially important to identify the areas you need to work on. You will be less likely to fall into a compromised relationship if you are strong in these areas:
Finances – don’t be lured into the trap of thinking you need more and more money. Get your life in BALANCE, living below your means and taking better care of what you already have.
Friends – yes, you need friends. No, you don’t need people around you who are negative, volatile, critical, mean, or substance abusers. You’ll find that when you weed out the people who are self-destructive or unkind to you, you have made a space for someone new who is supportive.
Your Home – If you met someone, could you invite them over? If not, why not? That’s what you need to focus on – before you respond to online dating.
Have you been honest in your profile?
The problem with the internet is that people get to be anyone they want to be. Always do a background check on someone before you get seriously into the relationship. But here’s the bigger question: are you being truthful in your profile – or are you pretending to be someone you’re not. Remember: like attracts like. You don’t want to attract another poser, so keep it
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