Am i depressed? Or is it just a small phase? How did you get through it?

Question by gyver: Am i depressed? Or is it just a small phase? How did you get through it?
I am 17. So today i cried for about 15 minutes. It was a mix of several things going on in my life. The first minute of crying was mostly tears of joy because my dad has finally recovered from alcohol. Then his success hit me. I have been doing drugs for about a year now (no judgement please, im already stopping use.) and they’ve been probably some of the worst ones. His recovery hit me which made my tears turn into sadness because of MY “use.” It just didnt feel right doing something 10 times worse than what he was into. Then my childhood and the person i used to be before i did drugs came to mind and it just made me break down worse. Then my 4 year old nephew saw me and stared at me for a while, as i remembered the times i would come home high setting a bad example for him(he obviously wouldnt know im high). I then said to him under my crying “it hurts” which i meant emotionally. He then gave me a hug. After he left i started to feel terribly sorry for my parents. Because they grew up in extreme poverty and i know they wouldnt want their son doing drugs. Also because when i was a little kid i promised them that i would get a stable career and buy them the best house they’ve ever lived in. I remembered the times i would go out and get high and party all night and then i asked myself if it was worth it. As everything hit me tears poured down my face like never before and i fell down to my knees. I then looked at myself in the mirror, and promised myself to stop my drug use. And realized a false sense of euphoria for only a couple of hours which turns into days of feeling worthless, isnt worth it at all, and it leads absolutely nowhere. Its been 2 hours or so since then and i feel some sort of relief that i let it all out and came to a realization. And take note that i have never ever in my entire life have ever cried so hard, i honestly cant remember the last time i cried for something serious, only when i was maybe 5 and would get yelled at or something.

I understand if drug use repulses your help

Terribly sorry if this is too long, but i seriously cant really talk to anyone, atleast not at the moment, my family is a reserved bunch, maybe thats why i grew up bottling up my emotions. And i believe theres people on here that have similar problems. I am honestly not looking for sympathy and attention, i simply want a little help or someone to speak to and wouldnt know where else to look.
People say this is a sign of hidden depression or something, which is why i ask
Analyze myself too much? ive never been a person to do that, but its gotten to a point where its becoming too much where i either have no choice or just not strong enough to NOT be depressed. Trust me i was always the happiest person out of my friends and believed that i would never be depressed. But its just gotten to THAT point.

Best answer:

Answer by Valo
talking about it is the best cure, just talk to a friend that has somewhat gone through the samething i know it sounds tacky but it does help alot

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