I’ve been clean and sober for more than 18 years…?

Question by Tilly: I’ve been clean and sober for more than 18 years…?
The thing is, I’ve had to take pain pills off and on for the last few years because of a physical problem I had. My dr. knew I was in recovery but he prescribed them. So, I guess I became hooked on Vics. I took them as prescribed but a few days ago a friend called me out on “not being clean.” And, I guess I’ve been lying to myself. I’m not clean, am I? I’ve taken more than prescribed, “chased” the vics and bought from other people other than the dr. I guess I just need someone else to tell me their experience. I mean, I worked a good NA program. The thing is now, I have no desire to go back to the 12 steps. I am okay. I don’t want to go back to Cocaine or get shit faced. I’ve grown up. It’s been 20 years. I feel okay with this. I just need validation maybe. It’s the 1st time I am making decisions without worrying what others in NA will say. Am I wrong? Delusional or just growing up? thanks ya’ll.
I know in my heart I relapsed but I think I’m waiting for someone to say I didn’t since it was prescribed to me. Anyway, I’m not stupid, just a bit lost. So, please don’t slam me in the comments. Thanks ya’ll.

Best answer:

Answer by Evil J
AA and NA are cults – if you don’t drink the Koolaid, you can’t ride on the comet.

Here’s validation – YOU ARE IN CONTROL! Don’t let them convince you that you aren’t.

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!