Can someone please edit my essay for me?

Question by Kayla W: Can someone please edit my essay for me?
I am applying to the Master’s in Social Work Program because my goal is to improve the lives of and enhance the well being of individuals who are vulnerable, marginalized and oppressed in society. I am particularly concerned about helping to positively change the lives of our most vulnerable, troubled and neglected youth. I want to be a social worker to make a positive difference in their lives and help them function more effectively by working through their problems. I am a thirty four year old woman who struggled with and overcame being homeless. When I was homeless, I had an advocate and mentor that helped me connect with employment and housing services. First, I needed someone to meet me where I was and treat me with dignity. This is what I want to do for others. Having an advocate really showed me that homeless people may simply need someone that cares and can point them in the right direction. This is what motivated me to enroll in your program and hopefully help others in the same way I was cared for. I appreciate your consideration for enrollment and am hopeful that I can further my education at your institution and use those skills in my mission to help others.

A social worker on Skid Row in Los Angeles started me on a path toward healing my own life. She provided me with constant support and a sense of hope. Six months later, I found a job as a youth counselor at H.V. Group Home, a residential treatment facility, working with incarcerated youth who were mostly minorities. I am deeply concerned by the high incarceration rates in our society, specifically the way youth lead the way in going to jail, rather than going to college or working. It is my sincere hope to contribute on how to best counsel and care for at risk youth. My research interest focuses on troubled youth, especially those at risk of spending their young adulthood behind bars.

In my job as a youth counselor, my primary responsibility while working was to serve as a positive role model for adolescents aged twelve to fourteen. The adolescents encountered issues such as physical and sexual abuse, depression, drug and alcohol abuse. At times, my job could be extremely stressful. I focused on several areas of treatment including their social skills, coping skills, and independent living skills. My main goal was to help them build their self-esteem and improve their sense of security.

The adolescents could become physically assaultive and would do themselves harm. It was during these critical situations that I would experience problems in knowing what the best clinical approach was to use when a child was self-harming. I would like to have better tools to help these kids when they are in crises and know whether the interventions are supported by the literature. I hope that with the aid of the Master’s degree in Social Work, I can achieve that. I want to be able to help them in their time of crises and teach them the necessary skills the kids will need to transition into a more independent way of living. These youth need all the attention we can give them in order to prevent recidivism, especially African American and Hispanic males, who tend to continually come back into the system. If you were to grant me the privilege of studying in your program, I would like to research the recidivism rates of African American and Hispanic juveniles and young adults. I hope to contribute to our understanding of how we can improve the quality of lives of these individuals.

Best answer:

Answer by uMmMmZzZz
i AM hoping to get my Masters so that I can become a social worker. My goal is to improve lives and enhance the well being of the many vulnerable individuals who are oppressed by society. As a social worker, I hope to make a possitive impact in any person’s life and do my best to help them function more effectively regardless of thier problems. For nearly thirty four years, I have struggled with poverty and was priveldged by the aid of a mentor who helped me to get my life together with a job and a home. I have been given to gift of having an advocate that truely cared for her client and treated me with the out most of dignity. She truel inspired me to do the same for my future clients who are need for the same effection. For this reason, I am fully motivated to do the best once enrolled in the program. I’d hope to use my experiences and lessons learned to help other people who may be struggling with the same problems.
(Use a contraction in every paragraph) Ex, Firstly, fortunately, Before..After etc.

Throuhgout my life, I was in desperate need of finacial aid. (Talk about how you grew up and blah blah…) A social worker by the name of………on Skid Row helped me to change directions and start me on the path towards healing my pain. She provided me with constant support and truely gave me a sense of hope that everything will be OK. Thankfully, because of her help, I was able to find a job at a H.V. Group Home as a Counselor. In fact it is because of this group home that I became concerned witht the high incarceration rate of our society because it introduced me to working with the minority of incarcerated youth. It hurt me to see these children take the wrong turn in life and basically be headed to imprisonment or death.
( you need to conclude on how the mentor helped you to focus on troubled youth and how she inspired you to use the techniques of counseling these children)
Paragraph 2: Ultimatley, my primary responsibility as a youth conselor is to serve as……
You would have to relate this paragraph to your thesis that you made in the intro. paragraph which is ” I’d hope to use my experiences and lessons learned to help other people who may be struggling with the same problems.” So after you describe the stress relate it to how you may have had the same experiences and try to use those obsticles to help out these younger children in overcoming thiers.

Third paragraph: In addition, many of the adolescents that I have worked with attempted to physically assault the people around them or threaten to hurt themselves. It is during these….(then use this paragraph to explain some of your weaknesses and some of the struggles you have had because you don’t know how to handle that situation)
As a conclusion explain to the board of what you would like to learn, continue to explain your motivation and conclude with the last sentence of you trying to achieve what the social worker that you mentioned before achieved with you.
Its a good essay but very disorganized and some of the information is random….only some… Next time try on working with an outline before you start writing. It will help your work to be more organized and easier to read.

hope I helped and hope you get accepted to the program!
wish u the best

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