Depressed/ BPD, can’t cope anymore, help?

Question by Shawna Hood: Depressed/ BPD, can’t cope anymore, help?
I have had depression on and off for eight years. I was first put on an anti-depressant, and since then I have gone down hill. Addiction to alcohol and cocaine I believe is what triggered it all. I went into recovery almost three years ago, and you would think I would be getting better now, but nope, new diagnosis of borderline, anxiety disorder, bulimia ect. For the past three years I have tried treatment, medication and therapy, nothing seems to be working. After a year of being apart of a DBT program I have learned many skills ect to cope with high emotions. I have learned that in the end I can really only help myself. I have tried changing friends, going to church, self care, skills to cope, exercise ect and nothing is working. In the past year my daughter moved to the states to be with her dad, my father past away, and I have moved a few times, all these events could make anyone depressed, but I was already depressed. I became addicted to painkillers which could be triggering this as well, I was clean for 6 weeks, relapsed for 2 weeks because of my wisdom teeth being pulled, and I am at 8 days clean again.
I am chronically suicidal, and have had to go the the hospital over 30 times this year, either for overdosing, or going before I act out.
I am so fed up, to the point that I see nothing but darkness, I quit my medication, I don’t trust anyone anymore, I want to run away or change my identity to get away from the borderline diagnosis (no one wants to help a borderline) and can’t stop thinking of suicide (just in the last two weeks I have overdosed 4 times)
They wont admit me in hospital which I don’t fully understand.
What do I do? How to I get people to listen and help?
I am desperate and fear my own life.

Best answer:

Answer by Bronnii
I would love to be able to offer words of wisdom but I’m in exactly the same situation at the moment as far as relapse goes & fearing myself but in my case they want to admit me but I’m fighting as hard as I can against it due to being the sole carer of a 6yo who would have to go into foster care if I go back to hospital again.

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