How to FULLY accept and internalize what I know I already am?

Question by C.A.: How to FULLY accept and internalize what I know I already am?
I’m average, and below average in many respects. I know this. I’ve never accomplished anything, never attempted nor done anything extraordinary. I have no great talents, novel ideas, or anything else. But even so, my life has been the saga of avoiding seeing this with 100% clarity and proved–beyond any doubt–my mediocrity. I CAN’T take risks, nor do ANYTHING unless I KNOW I will be competent and great at it, yet at the same time I know I never will be. Why, if I know I am average, do I avoid putting forth all of my effort and seeing the products–average, as something BAD, or even surprising? I know there is nothing necessarily “wrong” with being average, an yet avoid having that quality proved in myself. I HATE this about myself, as it suggests that there is a part of me that believes otherwise…an elitist quality. Something unfounded and entirely wrong. Why this developed I’ll never know (as I said before, I’ve never produced anything extraordinary.)

I try every day to just get over it, quit whining, and use what I have to the best of my ability, like everyone else. To focus on being useful. But I just can’t. There’s nothing clinically wrong with me. Everyone gets anxious and depressed at times. I grew up in a supportive family, in the suburbs, married parents, a white picket fence and a dog. No one was on drugs, no one abused me, no one died. I’m not unique, not different, not extraordinary. I see there is nothing wrong with this at all, but can’t allow myself to fully accept being average. I know this is a non-problem, and a petty thing to ask, but I’m very weak and have afforded this and the frustration it causes to take over, and ruin my life. I don’t have any friends and I dropped out of school. I live entirely in isolation, avoiding everything at all costs. I know that what I need is someone who IS competent, intelligent and accomplished to TELL me to get over it; yes you’re average, deal with it like everyone else and move on. My mom suggested therapy (but only for my problems with anxiety, as she isn’t aware of this other “problem”), but that would be like validating my non-problems by having someone take them seriously, when they shouldn’t be. I should be able to deal with this myself, but I’m not smart enough to. Every attempt I’ve made was in vain, as even the problem is one rooted in an unjustifiably large ego. Do you have any advice?

I have begun seeing a therapist, however, just to seek out proper ways of dealing with anxiety enough so that I can function in a school setting and get a degree. She does not know about this “problem,” nor do I want her to. It’s humiliating.

Best answer:

Answer by O1
you take yourself too seriously

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