Help me end my cocaine addiction?

Question by Chelsea: Help me end my cocaine addiction?
I’m a former alcoholic. Which I thought was quite the shameful accomplishment for a 19 year old.
I used to be a great kid. I had everything going for me. I had great friends, while everyone I know now got into drugs and alcohol at 14 and below; I had amazing friends that young. I didn’t even think to have a drink or touch drugs, they were a joke to me. I had my first drink when me anhd my friends went camping after prom 2008. And after that I didn’t drink again for a year. I was raped a year later. After that, I drank myself into oblivion for a year, racking up 9 arrests and one time being placed into protective custody (the girl cop felt bad so she did this instead of arresting me), all alcohol related arrests, and eventually put myself into counseling. I don’t drink often now. I do sometimes but after all the counselling I learned to control myself, and deal with my past “trauma”.
its been about 9 months since I have been so called “rehabilitated”. I have a myriad of scars covering my arms and legs and while noone mentions them anymore, I feel like an idiot for my being so obviously self destructive in the past. the scars are an embarassment that are nearly impossible to hide, thanks to the warm climate around here. I recently became so depressed I didn’t know what to do, my abusive ex boyfriend called me offering me coke. I jumped on it and began abusing cocaine. around here it isn’t exactly easy to come by, and it is often heavily cut with heroin. I am addicted to coke, ye, white whatever you want to call it. I also am addicted to ecstasy, and I’m quickly falling into drinking myself to oblivion again. almost every night I blow a lot of coke, pop some x whenhever I can get it and drink. and I do this all by myself, and sometimes go back to cutting when I get fucked up enough.

There are a lot of things in myself that have led me to this point. but I just hate myself at all time unless I’m numbing my brain, so that it can’t remind me how much I hate myself.

I have tried many things. I even go to this youth leadership camp once a year. its amazingly empowering and I can quit my habits for up to month once I come back from california every year. but I always fall back.

I want to end my life horribly.
Is there anything any of you can suggest that would help?
I’m yahoo answer-ing this because I’m THIS fucking desperate.
so whatever, this is a last fucking resort.
rehab and friends and programks do nothing. im gonna ask the internet for a fucking kick.
last resort, come on, make fun of me guys.
I can’t even stop myself now. there is a gram sitting in my purse and looks like I’m gonna go blow it.
to Airtime321:
I have sought professional help.
Obviously I went there first before trying the gaddamn internet,
Therapy helped the alcoholism, and I no longer blame myself for what happened to me. But I am still plagued with this addiction, and have no idea why I harbor this intense hate for myself.

Best answer:

Answer by Mushroom Man
Go to rehab as soon as possible!!!!!!! Trust me. Your life will turn around once you’re out.

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