Question by sd0728: My husband is lying to his therapist and support group about his sex/drug addictions. What can I do?
I am beyond trying to save the marriage, but am concerned about his role as father to our young child. He has done inappropriate sexual things in front of our son. I’ve already sent him to rehab, and he lied there, too, conning the staff and other patients. Since he was self reporting, there was no accountability.
I know I have the legal grounds/evidence to keep him from our child, and he has in fact blown off all visits over the last two weeks, but I would much rather they have a healthy relationship. Am I dreaming?
I have a good attorney, we have left the home and he has supervised visitation, which he blows off… Sucks for my son, but life is getting a little easier everyday.
We are both (my son and I) in therapy, and I am attending COSA & CODA meetings, but it is so hard to just watch my husband self distruct this way. And any attempt on my part is seen as a brutal attack on his ‘character’.
It is just a sad, sad situation. I pray for him everyday.
Best answer:
Answer by grandeyeglass
In response to your first question, there’s nothing you can do. He’s an adult that is choosing his addiction over his relationship with you and your kids. I’m really sorry that’s the case, but you can’t ‘make’ him do anything and you can’t change his behaviors…only he can do that when he chooses to do it.
I’m sorry to say, in response to your 2nd question, yes…you’re dreaming. It sounds like there’s very little healthy in their relationship. Your childrens’ safety is your #1 responsibility as a parent. Do what is right for them in the long term. I wouldn’t rule out ANY future contact, but I would definitely put clear limits and objectives (like successfully completing psych treatment) on what is expected from your husband before he’s allowed back ‘in.’
I wish you the best as you work through this tough situation.
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