as a new parent, I feel bullied into accepting “help” that really isn’t helpful?

Question by kisses come in fives: as a new parent, I feel bullied into accepting “help” that really isn’t helpful?
since my husband is in the military, they have these new parent support programs to help new parents with their questions and we thought that as new parents we should accept all the help and support we could get

the program involves a family advocacy nurse (only one family advocacy nurse at this base so we can’t switch to someone else) coming to our home every two weeks to talk to us about the baby’s development and answer any questions we might have…but usually her answers are lacking and not very informative so I oftentimes find myself reading books or calling my OB to get a more through answer

now we want out

all the nurse has done is
1- tell us stuff we’ve already read in books and
2- tell me I’m a high risk for abusing our son because of my family history

My husband and I are both offended by our most recent in-home visit with the family advocacy nurse:
All she knows about me is what she’s seen in my answers on these ridiculous family history surveys we have to fill out, and yet her opinion is unwavering. She is convinced that I am going to shake my baby because my father abused me as a child.

As new parents we feel like we should be accepting all the help we can get.
However, this doesn’t feel like help, it feels counter-productive and stressful.
So are we in the wrong for wanting out of the program?
Or is it ok to say “no thanks” to all this extra “help”?

*Currently 36 weeks pregnant, and have been in this program since I was 16 weeks pregnant…the program is supposed to continue until the baby is 3 years old, but we can drop out earlier than that…its just frowned upon*
Background:
My biological mother abandoned me with my father when I was a year old.
My father was a workacholic who I rarely saw. When I did see him, he was very abusive. He beat me to the point where I had to be hospitalized for injuries which he infliced on various occassions. As I got older he began to encourage me to injure myself, even to attempt suicide.

I moved out when I was 14.
First staying with distant relatives, then older friends, eventually moving into a group home. At the group home I recieved medication for depression and intense therapy.
After 4 years of medication and almost 9 years of therapy I finally felt happy.

I am now a grown woman, married to a wonderful man
we have great communication and a secure relationship
We’re so happy to be pregnant with our first child, a little boy

I take online courses, although my husband has a stable military career which allows me to stay-at-home with the baby and my studies.
Since getting pregnant I’ve taken several different classes through the local hospital on healthy pregnancy, labor and deliever options, breast-feeding, and early childhood development/infant parenting.
I’ve read a half-dozen books cover to cover on pregnancy and infancy.
I’m planning on taking several mommy-and-me type classes after he is born as well (infant massage, baby yoga, etc..)
I really want to be a good mother…

I have a hard enough time trusting my new maturnal instincts without this woman coming into my home and telling me how I’m going to fail
At the same time, I am terrified that she may be right and that I’m going to need her later.

Best answer:

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