how do i get my mother to understand me more?

Question by Denise B: how do i get my mother to understand me more?
I am a mother of seven, with no regrets about my children at all. I got married about 4 years ago to a man that I knew had problems(the father of my last three children). I had already had my fill of his disappearing acts that he pulled to use crack cocaine, which I never allowed around me , or my children.Every time I tried to leave him , he would file false reports on me ,and a social worker would show up at my door.I have three other siblings that ae not affraid to show their weaknesses, but I am.I don’t know why,but I can’t ask for help of any kind usually.But when I do ask for help it is because I desperatly need it,in order to keep my children. when I ask my mother for help of any kind, she reams me out and tells me that I’m a big dissapointment to her, but she doesn’t do that to my siblings.If she would take me seriously, I would be able to kick my husband to the curb, and pick myself back up.I already have a small business started, but with all the kids , and tons of laundry, and cleaning,etc.It seems like Im not getting any slep at all, with him gone. all I asked her for was …would she please watch the kids so I could nap, and she told me that the kids would be better off with her, and a bunch of other mean stuff. In my mind I am doing my very best to balance a small business and being a single parent of alot of kids.they deserve the very best, and Ill be damned if I going to let them down. Its bad enough that their father keeps abandoning them.they are little troopers, and I need my moms help a little to weed the trash out of their lives.what should i do or say, to make her see that even i need a little help now and then. one of her solutions was for me to get rid of the business.And then what, go on public assistance. what is that showing my kids?

Best answer:

Answer by Surrey
Your mother is bitterly angry at you. For all the mistakes you did make. For the two of you to work this out, you need to sit and have a long talk, maybe even with a third party mediator that has no emotional involvement.

You had three kids by a man you knew to be on crack. I don’t care that you say he wasn’t allowed to use it in front of the kids, they still are harmed by his crack usage. Not only that, you continued to allow yourself to have three children by this man.

How is it you think your mom shouldn’t be so angry? You brought three children into this world knowing they had a horrible father, you set them up to be unhappy. Anyone seeing the situation, or hearing about it, would find some anger at the situation.

You learn he’s into crack, you leave him and don’t have any children by him. You discontinue sex until he’s been sober for two years, leaving no unplanned children to be born by him.

She may not want to help you with all the bad decisions you have made. To have 7 children in the first place without fathers they can depend on is very very irresponsible to begin with.

Why does your mother now have to be there to help you with in your time of need when you chose to make bad choices, over and over and over and over and over and over and over again? As a mother, i would tell your mother that she is justified in feeling as she does. Justified in feeling that she shouldn’t have to become your sitter so that you can provide for a brood that you probably shouldn’t have had to begin with.

Sometimes you need to love children enough to know not to have one with a man you can’t count on.

but sit down and try to work it out. Maybe tell her you’ll get your tubes tied? So she knows you can’t harm any more children by being an unfit mother who breeds with drug addicted man… and not just once… but three times.

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