What do I need to do now in order to take custody of my younger brother when I’m able?
Question by Summer: What do I need to do now in order to take custody of my younger brother when I’m able?
Alright. I’ll try to give you any information that may be important.
I really hope someone has some advice for me.
Right now, I’m 15, and I live with my father.
When I was 10, my father took custody of me from my mother.
She had taken me out of school in 3rd grade, saying that I would be home schooled, but I never was. At 10 years old, I was still in the 3rd grade. She had been a heavy meth user for years. There were always different boyfriends in and out, and my home life was very unstable. I was suffering mental abuse, but never really physical abuse. At the time, my oldest younger brother was 9, and my younger brother and sister were both 3. They were often locked into a bedroom and left alone so that she and her boyfriend could have friends over, or whatever. She was very dirty, to the point it was a hazard to our health. There were several times that CPS was called, but for some reason the investigator always called to tell her they were coming. So she would go blow a lot of money on meth, get geeked up, and go on a cleaning spree. By the time the investigator was there, we looked like a normal family.
Anyways. Going from that society to the real world was very hard, but I did it. I had spent the last 3 or 4 years raising my younger siblings, since my grandmother was quickly losing her ability to care for all of us. When my dad got me, him and his mother helped me with school. I buckled down, and in 4 months, I was ready to go into the fifth grade.
Now my younger brother is 13, and my youngest brother and sister will both be 8 soon. My mother was caught with meth, and had to do drug classes for 3 years. So she is actually clean now. Her husband does pot, is ‘disabled’ and sits at home watching TV all day. He’s also got several doctor friends who prescribe medication for him, which he sells or take himself. My youngest sister runs the house pretty much. She never gets punished, etc. My youngest brother is a different story though. From a very young age, he has rocked himself. He never grew out of it, and I know this is a very bad sign. He is extremely intelligent, and has an amazing thirst for knowledge. He does not like where he is at. My mother’s husband feels like he is retarded, because of his interest in bugs and nature, and because he says silly things sometimes. But a lot of 8 year olds do that. I have been there to witness her husband get in his face and yell at him for stupid reasons. My brother is suffering mental abuse in my opinion. My mother’s husband is always calling him stupid, telling him he needs to be on medication, and putting him down in any way he can. Her husband has even said that one of my brother’s problems is that he is too much like my father. That’s the real reason he does it. My mother and her husband were very open with me for a while. I’ve witnessed him using marijuana, and I know where he keeps it. My little brother is scared of him,to the point of having tics around him, and although I haven’t seen it with my own eyes, I’m very afraid that he is physically abusing him as well. My brother has always had a special bond to me, and prefers to call me Momma when we are away from my mother. I guess it’s because I pretty much was his mom when he was a baby.
I’ve been thinking and praying for several months, and I’ve decided that I’m going to to try and take custody from her as soon as I am able. I’m painfully aware of how young I am, and I know I have to wait until I’m eighteen before I can even start the legal process. I’m very mature, and my father will support my decision in whatever I do. I’m an excellent student in school and I’ve won numerous academic awards. I have never had any kind of behavior problems, and my record is blemish free. I’ve had several jobs, although they weren’t actually necessary to have. I know that I’m going to have to change a lot of things in order to impress the judge, and prove that I am more capable and better fit to raise him than she is. I don’t care about partying, or anything like that, so giving all of that up and ‘growing up’ is no problem. I had to grow up during her meth addiction.
I need advice on exactly what I need to go ahead and start doing now, So that when I’m eighteen I actually have a good chance to get him. I’m willing to bust my butt, and do whatever needs to be done in order to get custody. I want to do this because I see his potential, and I see how badly he is suffering. I just want him to be raised so that he has opportunities in life.
If you have any links, or documents, advice, or anything, I would be incredibly thankful for any help.
Thank you so much,
I can’t explain how much this means to me.
Also, My 13 year old brother was taken out of school to be homeschooled in the 2nd grade. He is still in the 2nd grade. My youngest brother in sister are now in 2nd grade, and I have no clue how long it will be before they are taken out too. I don’t know if this could help me, but I figured I’d mention it
Sorry for all the added details. It’s hard to get all of this together. My father is struggling to raise me, and although he would love to raise all of us, he isn’t able to. Otherwise, this wouldn’t be a problem. It wouldn’t be hard to prove that my father is unable to raise him. My father acknowledges that, and like I said, supports my decisions to do whatever. I know that would’ve been brought up.
Best answer:
Answer by Walt
Report the abuse – physical, verbal, … whatever. Report what you *know* – report what you *suspect*. If you know of any abuse and you don’t report it, it will hurt your case later. So, your siblings may not get any intervention – it will show that you care and are watching and will put your mom and her husband on notice. AND, maybe they will remove the kids from the home and maybe they will put them in foster card. Foster care is not ideal but it’s probably better than the life they are living now! Then, when you are 16 you can start to petition the state for custody. If necessary you can ask for emancipation from your father (if he is a drag on your ability to get custody) once you are 16 and working.
General ideas:
Get one of those unnecessary jobs back and save the money. Save, save, save.
You can – now – make an anonymous tip ratting on her husband for selling prescription drugs at: http://www.usdoj.gov/dea/submit_tip_form.htm – that might help get him out of the house for a bit and bolster your case that he’s contributing to an unfit environment.
Find a free legal action workshop in your area and learn about custody issues in your state (laws vary from state to state). Here’s one for California: http://www.legalactionworkshoplaw.com/childcustody-childsupport
Read up on adoption legal issues for your state at nolo.com: http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/article-30291.html
It will almost certainly be easier for your Dad to win custody away from your mom with you acting a supporting resource for your Dad than for you to petition for custody. So *anything* you can do there to help your Dad to be more fit – would probably be a good idea.
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