The problems in my life… pls help me?

Question by Uchiha Sasuke: The problems in my life… pls help me?
Hi, my names’ Matt and im 16, turning 17 in december. I honestly have never been so unhappy in my life, I feel as if i do not belong on this Earth anymore, if I even did at all. I have an older sister (30) who was 15 when I was born, n she’s been so nice to me my whole life, we’ve pretty much never faught n she always buys me stuff, but we have 2 different fathers. When my mother was pregnant with me my “father” would beat her and kick her in the stomach, and tell her to get an abortion, he’s an alcoholic and a drug addict, he lived with us up until i was a bout 4 years old, then my mother PAYED him to leave, which he did. He never payed child support and never visited me,. But last year when i was on my way to my friends place, he pulled up in a car while I was walking, we hadn’t seen eachother since i was 4 years old yet we both somehow recognised eachother, he gave me his cell number on a peice of paper and told me to keep in touch, as soon as he left i threw the paper away, i wanted nothing to do with a man who used to beat my mother, and braught me into this world but doesn’t give a f@*k about me. So since i was 4 years old i had several “step fathers” whom i never really liked cause they were pretty much the same person as my pathetic father, but when i was 7, i had a new step father, who was different from the others, he pretty much braught me up as his own son, never beat my mom, and provided for my family, would take me to the movies now and again, he was like a father to me, the father i never had. I introduced my friends to him as my father and not my step father. He never drank and never took drugs, he was great. But when i was about 14 the shit began, my mother found out he had been cheating on her, he told her he stopped but he cheated on my mom with the same woman until i was 16, when i was 15 he started drinking and became an alcoholic, he started beating my mother, and it felt like what happened in the first 4 years of my life, had started happening again. when i turned 16 he started taking drugs (cocaine) and would steal things from my mother to go get money for cocaine. My mother has wanted to move to new zealand ever since 2006, and in the beginning of this year, me n my mother were in the final stages of moving to nz. Im from South Africa by the way, one day about 3 months ago, my uncle had told me that my step dad whom i thaught of as a dad, had a child with the woman he had been cheating on my mother with. when he told me this i was with all my friends at the public swimming pool, i had enough, my mother had been hurt and lied to enough times, i phoned him and shouted and swore at him over the phone about how he could lie to my mother, and that he must f@*k out the house and go to rehab. He denied the child. Anyway, about a month later, me n my mother got onto that plane and left the country. I’ve basically lost everything, the person who i thaught of as a father for 10 years of my life is now gone, my friends, gone, the country i’ve lived in my whole life, gone. As i am writting this, Im in nz right now, living with my mother and sister and her husband, we been living here for 2 months now, and im literally going mad, im cracking, the fact that everything is gone, the fact that im in a country that i don’t fit in, im in a school which i HATE, im different simply cause im from SA, im white, got tanned skin, n longish blond hair, i have never had trouble getting girlfriends, but now my problems are really starting to effect me, this morning i told my mother ALL my problems and we both cried. She is considering sending me back to SA if i want to that bad, although i have no family left in sa, i could stay at my best friends place. I really wana go back to my country, but i donno if i should. I constantly think of committing suicide, but i really don’t want to. The problems i had when i was alot younger are now starting to hit me along with these new problems. I cry every night about going back to Sa. what do you think i should do? Should i stay in nz? Should i go back to sa? Should i take the easy way out and committ suicide?

Best answer:

Answer by ichigo
suicide? id rather be a poor hobo. and trust me, ive got things just as bad over here.go back.visit your mother and sister, but go back.there are people who would care about you there

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