I love my kids and i need help. If there’s any lawyers or anyone that can help please respond..!!!?

My name is Nicholas Chambers I am in dire need of help. About a year ago the mother of my daughter and step son took my kids to California due to relationship problems we were having stemming from the death of our son a year and a half prior to her leaving. Initially it was to give us time apart to heal. As time went by it became evident to me that that was no longer her plan and for the past three months I haven’t even been able to get a hold of my kids, I have no number, I have no clue where they reside, I’ve been rendered completely helpless as a father. The only time I get a call is at her leisure, usually once a week or so, conveniently when my kids are no where around her. She calls me desperately, telling me she’s doing horribly and she wants to come back to Seattle, so like a fool I buy three plane tickets every month or so and I don’t hear from her until a day or so after they’re suppose to be here telling me she can’t leave there. Then I’m left to wonder what’s going on there and if my kids are ok. She has a history of drug abuse (meth) years before we were together. I would not allow that when we were together but I am fearing that she has gone back to that life and my kids a forced to be along for the ride, thus the reason she doesn’t want them to talk to me because she knows I will quiz them. I am so torn apart by this. I am nothing if I am not a father. My kids are the reason I live. I am lost as to what to do since I don’t know anymore than what town they are in 1500 miles from me. I have been reluctant to do anything legally due to the calls she makes giving me hope that she’s coming back so we can fix our family. In the mean time I’ve only seen my kids once in the last year and I never get to talk to them. Another problem I have is coming up with 4000 dollars the lawyer I called last month said I’d have to come up with before he could help me. I do work and am willing to work something out to pay or if there is any kind of pro bono work available, I don’t know how that works. all I know is I am very lost and I am still recovering from my son dying in my arms and losing my two other children now has made me helpless and I feel like giving up. If there is anyone that can help me I will be forever in their debt. Thank you for taking the time to read this. God bless you…!!!