Re: Human Nature; Allow me to clarify?

We were together 10 years. After trying everything I could think of to help pur relationship survive, he left me for his addiction to meth. He quickly realized he had nowhere to go. Prior to his leaving, things had gotten bad: lying, yelling, screaming, threatening, stealing, cheating, all on his part. He wanted to come home; I said no, not if we’re going to make each other miserable, as our new hobby. I loved him, still love him, with my entire soul. I believed we would be together forever, we were the best of friends. his addiction took it all away.
i haven’t heard from him in 18 months; I ask about him everytime I can, it’s important to me that he is ok. he won’t hear of me or speak about me, until last week. He sent me an email telling me that he “hates me for abandoning him when he was sick” and telling me he still misses me in the same sentence.
I can’t cope, emotionally, with the hate and hurt he holds toward me in his heart.
It devastates me to know that I caused someone so much pain; I just did what i thought was best.
I need guidance on getting through this and bearing this burden. I have explained to him, thoroughly, that I do not hold him at fault, that all has been forgiven and I have asked forgiveness for my mistakes.
My heart and soul feel no better. I still hurt, deeply.
Is his anger representative of his continuing love?
Do i just need to give him more time?
I do not want to let go of him, but I know I have to, in order to heal.
I am completely lost as to what to do next, how to move on, and get passed this.