Why is my family acting this way? Are they right? Long but pls pls read:(?

Question by MysteryOfMyMuse: Why is my family acting this way? Are they right? Long but pls pls read:(?
I am 20 years old and living at home with my mother, brothers and step father. From the age of 13 – 19 I was heavily wrapped up in addiction to drugs and alcohol which caused a lot of bad things from lieing, stealing, physical and verbal fighting, arrests, hospital visits, running away, being kicked out, sleeping around and anything else you can imagine. I went to a rehab centre and have now been sober for a year and a few months working on my maturity and problem solving in healthy ways. I see 2 therapists, a pshyciatrist and an addictions counceller and I am doing well for the first time in 7 years but it would seem my family has givin up. Everytime I have a problem and I have to talk to my family about it they get all stressed out like “here we go again”, “are you ever just going to be alright”, “when does it end”. I do feel guilty because in a big way pretty much 7 years of their lives have been consumed with chasing me around and wondering what was next however in therapy I have been and am encouraged to be honest and open and it just feels like my family is not open to me having any sort of dialect with them about any problems I may be having or any negative feelings I may be feeling. I relapsed one time and then when I tried to talk to them about it (trying to be honest and open to discussion or consequence) they pretty much told me that they are sick of dealing with my “sh*t” and not to come to them, that I am an adult and I may do what I want but they dont want to know about it and if I mess up I am on my own. I am not asking them to save me or help me when I try to speak with them, I am just trying to do what I have been instructed is the right thing to do – be honest and open. When I hit a bump in the road or something bothers me I feel inclined to discuss it so that it can be solved and I do not feel healthy or right if I am holding back things and I feel like this is what they are asking me to do. Its not like I have any problems even close to the severity of what I used to have and when ever I try to tell them anything about my recovery or mistakes or feelings they completely shut me out… It makes me really angry because I feel like they tried and tried and I never gave a **** and now that I finally care they dont anymore…??? wtf??

Best answer:

Answer by Kate
I just want to start by saying that I am proud of you for getting control of your life and your addictions. That is a very hard thing to do and you sound like you are working very, very hard to stay on top of your life and make a positive change. That is worth being proud of, no matter how many times you may relapse or hit a bump in the road along the way.

I think your family is having a hard time adjusting, they are still stuck in the past and in a way your addiction was very traumatic for them. They haven’t really gotten over that, and they don’t understand what recovery is – that it is a process, not an overnight thing, and that you need their support. Have you talked to your family about family counseling? It might be really helpful for your entire family to sit down with one of your therapists and talk about the issues at hand as a group. You could use that forum as a place to express everything that you just told us here. With a counselor there to act as a mediator between you and your family, you can finally say all of those things and be heard, and your family can have a chance to voice their feelings and concerns as well.

I think seeing a counselor together as a family would be really beneficial for improving communication between you guys, and helping to get all of you on the same page as far as your recovery goes. They need to understand that you are changing yourself as a person, but that takes time and requires a lot of love and support, and you need to understand how things feel from their point of view after seven years of constant turmoil with your addiction. Once everyone has had a chance to talk about how they feel, with a counselor there to help everyone along in the process, I think you will see a noticeable improvement in your communications and interactions as a family.

Good luck!

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