I need advice on how to talk to my hubby about something?

Question by CrazyChick: I need advice on how to talk to my hubby about something?
My hubby and I both quit smoking in May in an effort to become healthier before conceiving a child as well as the grossly increasing cost of a pack of cigarettes. We found out we were pregnant in October and we couldn’t be any happier. About 2 months after we found out that I was pregnant he came home from work and I met him at the door to take his lunch pail and give him a kiss and I could taste cigarette on his breath. When I asked him he denied it but he gets this smirk on his face when he is lying and he had this smirk on his face for the entire 2 minutes he was denying that he was smoking. Then he tells me that he only had half a cigarette at work because he had been stressed out but that he thought it was disgusting and he couldn’t even finish it, and that he wouldn’t be smoking again. When he was in the shower I decided to take a walk out to his car (my car that he drives to work) and found a pack of cigarettes. When I confronted him he said that they belonged to a guy that he works with the he rides into work with. The guy does smoke, but smokes a different brand than I found in the car. The brand I found was the brand hubby and I smoked. There were instances prior to this one in which I had questioned hubby and he always denied it with that smirk on his face, telling me he was lying. I’ve noticed that he has been breathing heavier lately, the way he used to when he smoked. It had calmed down when we quit and recently started up again, along with the smokers cough he used to have. There have been instances since then as well and today was the most recent. I kissed him when he got home from work and again tasted cigarette on his breath. He denied with the smirk on his face and needless to say I didn’t believe him. I asked him to be honest with me but he kept on with the lying smirk on his face telling me he wasn’t smoking. Then I was looking in his phone because he told me to find the message a co-worker had sent him, I opened a message from his co-worked expecting it to be the joke he had been telling me about and it was his co-worker asking if he could have a cigarette when he got back from lunch. I confronted him and he said that his co-worker was asking him to get a cigarette from another co-worker that he eats lunch with, but the message specifically said can I get a cigarette from you when you get back … not can I get one from so-and-so. Still he’s denying it all the while with the smirk on his face. My mom works for a drug rehab and they have testing kits for everything including nicotine because they are a smoke free facility so after a few minutes I asked him if I got a test if he would pee in a cup so I could test his urine. He looked at me with the stupid smirk and when I told him I was serious he flat out said “NO ARE YOU SERIOUS?” So when I asked him why he wouldn’t do it he said because he shouldn’t have to. So after about 30 minutes he came out and I asked him to stop lying to me and he said he has a cigarette every once in a while and when I asked him what he meant by that he said maybe once a week. So I asked him when he last had a cigarette and he said maybe last Friday. When I asked him again if he’d take a test he was like yeah sure whatever so I said okay good I’ll have one tomorrow and he said yeah well I’ll be returning it cause I’m not going to take it. When I asked why he said again because he shouldn’t have to. I told him that him refusing to take the test makes him look much guiltier and he said well I shouldn’t have to prove anything. I understand he shouldn’t have to prove anything but he’s clearly been lying to me and I just don’t know what to do about it. How to do I get him to understand where I am coming from? I just don’t know what to do, if he’s lying to me about this what else is he lying about, that’s all I can think of and it’s driving me crazy. I need to be worrying about my unborn child not what he’s lying to me about. Help?
Did you guys skip the part of the question where I stated that we BOTH quit smoking. He wanted to quit as much as me and it was his decision, I did not force him into it in face he quit before I did. And the reason I’m so crazy over it is because he’s been lying to me about it for months. Yeah I’m pregnant and no that does not give me right to go crazy but that does not give him right to lie to me. He quit for himself, not me.
Just a thought – before I went all “crazy” on him I did approach it differently. He had quit smoking for 4 months before the first incident and we had a calm discussion about it and he swore to me he wouldn’t do it again because I talked with him and expressed my fears about his smoking again and he agreed that we did not want to raise our children with a parent that smoke and he agreed that cigarettes were too expensive to be starting to smoke again, especially with a baby on the way. I’ve only grown into the “crazy pregnant lady” because he’s been lying about it and I don’t know how else to approach it because every way I’ve tried hasn’t worked, I tried the calm rational approach and it didn’t get me anywhere.
Also might I add that this is the only major argument that we have ever had. We have been together for over 5 years and living together and married since April of 2010. We have never fought over anything and I fear my pregnancy hormones do have a large part in the way that I am reacting but even if I wasn’t pregnant I feel I would have a strong reaction to this. I placed every single bit of trust and love that I could possibly ever have in him and I do not regret this as he is the best person that I have ever known and I just feel so betrayed that he could so easily lie to me.

Best answer:

Answer by B S
You are acting a LOT crazy. I would smoke 10 packs a day (just to speed up lung cancer’s sweet death) if I was with you.

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