Is this really just OCD?
Question by Yuki Baba: Is this really just OCD?
This is going to be a LOOONG one…
Basics – 17, Female. Abused drugs when I was younger, very rarely do I/have I ever drinked. Shy, a loner. Smart-I’m a straight-A student, AP/Honor classes.
WELL… About three months ago I started seeing a psychiatrist, of my free will, as the multitude of all of my symptoms (which I’ll list below) had started to take it’s toll. I’ve been diagnosed with OCD as well as Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Depression and Social Phobia. We had just laid out a three-month treatment plan at my last visit and it upsets me that I have yet to completely come clean with everything. I’m worried about having been diagnosed with the wrong illness-OCD, that is. It’s the main-runner of this show and recent research I’ve commited to has brought other possibilities into the picture-symptoms are needed to understand much more…
OCD Symptoms;
– Intense episodes of Daydreaming. These consist of anything from me perfecting myself as well as past/future situations to me re-enacting movie/anime/televsion sequences or creating some of my own. These often tak up hours at a time, especially because of summer-time, this takes up approximately a quarter of my day. It is accompanied by often viscous pacing/running. I’ve broken toes having kicked things, bruises, cuts/scratches… I tend to act some things out-talking/fighting etc. And yes, I am aware that my fantasy world is NOT reality during these episodes.
– (**My doctor is NOT aware of this** This is in all actuallity the first time it has even left my head.) Disturbing sexual thoughts/urges – I have an extremely ‘healthy’ sex drive-I have since a very young age. It started out as a curiousity (masturbation) which in part, I believe, can be blamed on me having been molested when I was 6. From my understanding, it didn’t bother me, I don’t remember much-once my mother had reminded me of it (as up until two years ago, I had forgotten) I hadn’t known that the dreams I had were in fact memories. Well… moving on… I have extremely disturbing sexual fantasies that ‘pop’ into my mind, unwelcomed and uncontrollable. These include rape, molestation, sadism/masochism, incest, beastiality, torture… All of these thoughts, while do provide sexual enjoyment at the time (MASTURBATION. I have not once ever acted anything out. Nor will I ever, if I have anything to say about it) often afterwards all i can think of is how vile and disgusting it is. Shame has become a constant part of my life-and depression/anxiety seem to stem from this even more so than my pacing. **** Side Note – I have a girlfried of nearly a year. We have a healthy sexual realtionship, have experimented with light bondage. Nothing serious at all. These thoughts HAVE effected this relationship greatly. A part of my reasoning to going to a psychiatrist, really…
All other symptoms aren’t relative to my OCD, so I see no reason in stating them…
From what my doctor and I have come to believe this has been a pretty basic OCD case – I have anxious thoughts and calm myself down through pacing/daydreaming. However, just recently I came across the disorder “Maladaptive Daydreaming” and have found it’s symptoms to match MUCH more perfectly to my first “OCD Symptom”. So I ask you-is it possible for me to have recieved the wrong diagnosis? If I don’t, in fact, have OCD, what could be the cause for my sexual fantacies? They are NOT welcomed, and I don’t actively ever initiate them, so I do not think that they are just ‘turn ons’. :/
Best answer:
Answer by Lord of the View
I am treating someone with a lot of the same symptoms as you. Here’s how this works:
You are molested. It literally rewires your brain to accept these things as normal. You are compulsed to relive this trauma. I am betting you have been raped or some significant others have tried to force you to do things sexually you didn’t want to do. It is very simply confusion. Your idea of what is “normal” disagrees with what people tell you is normal, causing the guilt.
You need to bring this up to your therapist, as this will significantly affect your treatment course.
A fantasy is fine, but acting it out is not. And if you were to find a partner that would also be interested in your fantasies, it is very likely you will begin to act these out.
What do you think? Answer below!