What would you do? MIL question.?

Question by Tunics: What would you do? MIL question.?
My mother in law told us a few years ago that she and her two sisters were molested by their father.
yet she talks to him all the time-and never has been through counseling.
She has been married 3 times- she’s cheated and been cheated on a lot. The last guy she married- she lied to the whole family about him and said she didn’t care for him in that way. Like a month later they announced that they were getting married. She met him in recovery- drugs and alcohol…he’s been in prison.
Since then- only about 3 years so far- she has accused him of having sex with her other DIL and of fathering one of her children…Her other son knows about this, but the general opinion must be that they don’t believe it because they are still together- and have offered a paternity test- yet she won’t believe it either way.
Her husband has cheated on her and confessed to it- possibly with more than one person. Who knows according to her…
After she found out about his affairs, she insinuated that also she worried about him spending so much alone time with her other grand kids, because she thought he might be behaving inappropriately…possibly molesting them… My husband heard her say that…I thought that is what she meant, he did too.
She has decided to stay married to him.

My husband told her that he did not want him at our house- that he was not allowed to come over and that we aren’t going to expose our child to him given what she has said about the other grandchildren.
However, my MIL has not told her husband what she told us, her other son and DIL allow their kids to come over all the time and sleep in their bed…and my MIL allows it.
They live their lives differently than we do and we accept that, but can’t change who we are because of that.It really bothers me because even though we have told them what she said, they don’t seem to take it seriously and we are treated like we are overreacting. Even if what she said isn’t true- and she said it because she was angry- What kind of person does that? Plus, I don’t trust her or her judgment- neither does my husband… the problem is the whole family seems to either be misinformed or they don’t believe us and they treat us like we are the ones with the problem…
I think grandparents are important, but these people are sick and I can’t get past that.
We have her and her alone over every few weeks for a few hours to visit our daughter, but we are expecting another child and each time she comes to visit she pretends nothing is wrong and she talks about her husband despite the uncomfortableness and the fact that my husband doesn’t like him – more often than not- she is upset about some drama with her siblings or her parents and spends part of the visit crying.

I am beginning to think that completely removing from our lives is the better option since putting distance between us has only made us look strange… I can only imagine how hard it will be to explain all this to my children when they are older and because she doesn’t see a problem with how she handles these things- there isn’t much hope for her to change her behavior.

What do you think? What would you do?
Many of the things she cries about are things that she does to herself- choices she’s made or refuses to make, but she always plays the victim and rarely does the right thing in the end. That is another reason why i am more convinced that excluding her from our lives is a better option than going on the way it is.
she also has a habit of lying.

Best answer:

Answer by dr ashley proctologist
Do exactly what you told us
and do not let him visit

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